


there's a hell of a good universe next door

by Lise



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (I didn't save Bucky that's what I'm saying), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Captain America: The First Avenger, Embrace the Tropes, Fic Exchange, Loki Feels, M/M, Rescue, Steve Feels, Steve is slightly oblivious sometimes, holiday stoking, in which everything is slightly nicer than it is in canon mostly, okay that's enough Lise, some Tears moments, that isn't really a death shhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:19:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where an alien runs into Steve Rogers during the war. Most things stay the same. Some things change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My2BrownEyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/My2BrownEyes/gifts).



> Heh. First of all: I am very sorry for the delay. I hope it is worth the wait. 
> 
> There are a lot of things I would've liked to work into this fic that I didn't get the chance to, and I am genuinely sorry about that (and sorry to anyone who feels like their fave got shortchanged). But honestly, I had a lot of fun writing this. I've never written anything set during the Captain America: The First Avenger timeline, and writing Loki before the events of Thor (and the Avengers) was a lot of fun. (He's so much _happier_ , you guys.) 
> 
> A huge, huge thank you to [ameliarating](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com) for all her support, help, and betaing, and also [mostfacinorous](http://mostfacinorous.tumblr.com) and [portraitoftheoddity](http://portraitoftheoddity.tumblr.com) for their encouragement and regular offers of assistance. Also, thank you to the mods of the Holiday Stoking exchange: thanks for making this happen. Finally, to all the contributors. I'm glad my ship has so many delightful people living in it.
> 
> My Tumblr, as always, is [here](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com). I tend to be better about responding to questions there, so if you have any burning queries that might be the best place to go.
> 
>  _And finally_ a note on the title: it is from an e.e. cummings poem. It is titled after the first line, 'pity this busy monster, manunkind' and the lines that have stuck in my brain since I first read them are:
>
>> listen: there's a hell  
> of a good universe next door; let's go
> 
>   
> Let's go. 

Steve’s first glimpse of Loki was in the midst of a cadre of Hydra soldiers just as he elbowed one in the face. “Get your hands off me!” He shouted, and Steve remembered thinking that his voice was surprisingly shrill. “I am a _god,_ you filthy, ignorant-” Whatever followed that didn’t translate, but it didn’t sound complimentary. At the time, all that mattered was that the Commandos saw one man getting overwhelmed by the enemy, and reacted accordingly.

When the dust settled, Dum Dum turned to the stranger as he yanked a knife out of a Hydra soldier’s eye, scowling like this had all been a terrible inconvenience. “You all right?” Dum Dum asked, stepping toward him. “Are you hurt?”

The stranger gave him a look of such hauteur it made Steve’s teeth itch, and it wasn’t even directed at him. “I could have managed myself,” he said, sounding more annoyed than anything else. He didn’t look hurt, at any rate, though it would’ve been hard to tell with his bizarre leather getup. His hair was way outside regulation, too – mussed up it was hard to tell, but Steve thought it was probably long enough to brush his neck. “I did not request your interference.”

Dum Dum and James exchanged a glance. “Well hey, we didn’t mean to step on your toes,” Gabe said. The stranger’s head swiveled around and his eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring. Steve took a step forward quickly.

“We’re the 107th Infantry unit with the United States Army,” he said, figuring there was no point in trying to pretend to be anyone else with the American flag all over his shield. “Is there more of Hydra in the area?” The stranger didn’t look like a soldier, but he didn’t look like a civilian, either. Spy, maybe? But for who? At least he didn’t look like he was about to lunge at Gabe anymore; now he was studying Steve, head cocked to the side.

“I have not encountered any hydras,” he said, bizarrely. Steve glanced at the soldiers, frowning, and the stranger seemed to understand. “Oh! More of _them._ I haven’t the faintest idea.” He frowned at Steve. “There is something odd about you. Were both of your parents mortal?”

“Lovely,” Jacques said under his breath. “We found a madman.”

“Um,” Steve said carefully. “Yes?” He shook himself. “What’s your name? Where did you come from?”

The stranger waved a dismissive hand. “Immaterial. How fascinating!” He stepped in Steve’s direction, head cocking to the other side like a curious bird. “Is it-” Steve felt a peculiar prickling, and tensed, but it was gone a moment later. The stranger seemed disappointed, though as far as Steve could tell nothing had happened.

“Hey,” said Bucky, stepping up next to Steve. “Back off.”

“Bucky,” Steve said soothingly, but the stranger was already looking down his nose in Bucky’s direction and Steve could see his friend’s hackles going up.

“You want to answer the question, pal?”

“In point of fact I do not,” the stranger said loftily. He wasn’t holding a gun, Steve noticed. Or any weapon, it seemed, other than those small knives.

“How do we know this isn’t a trap? He could be a Hydra plant. Looks in awfully good shape for someone who was just in a brawl,” Bucky said to Steve. Dum Dum shifted his grip on his rifle, and Gabe stood up from where he’d been rifling through a soldier’s gear.

“Simply because you could not have managed it,” the stranger said, and grinned the widest, sharpest smile Steve had ever seen. For a second Steve thought Bucky would just haul back and punch him.

“Just asking a question,” Steve said quickly, trying to defuse the moment. “If you’re a civilian you want to get out of here. It’s going to get hot.” He tried to speak mildly, in case Jacques was right and the guy _was_ crazy.

The stranger huffed. “What _are_ you fighting about now? Perhaps I can help.”

Gabe barked a laugh. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Why don’t you just walk into Berlin and stab the Fuhrer?”

The stranger blinked and frowned. “Leader of what,” he asked, sounding for all the world genuinely curious. “And where is Berlin?”

Now the entire 107th was staring. Steve cleared his throat. “Do you…know where you are?” He asked, more carefully. He looked at Jim, the only one of them with any kind of medical training, but he made a face that eloquently communicated _no idea._ Steve knew shell shock could confuse a person, but…

“Oh, more or less,” he said, sounding as though this conversation were all horribly tedious. “So what is it? Did this chieftan steal your prize bull? Or is it a beautiful woman?”

Steve just stared, not sure how to respond to that.

“It’s World War Two, you nutcase,” Bucky said loudly. “Watch a newsreel once in a while!”

The stranger looked vaguely surprised, for a moment. “Oh,” he said. “Hm.” He glanced around at the 107th, frowning faintly, eyes lingering on Steve.

“Now that we’ve got that squared away,” Dum Dum drawled, “how ‘bout a name?” The stranger made a sort of humming noise.

“Beg pardon,” he said abruptly, and then vanished.

The confusion and shouting that followed took a good five minutes to settle, and then the arguing about what had just happened started. Steve stared at the spot where the stranger had been standing: the imprints of his boots in the snow. He had been there. _Right_ there. And then…

“What do you think, Cap?” The question broke into his bewildered thoughts, and Steve shook himself. “Some kind of Hydra trick?”

“No,” Steve said slowly. “I don’t think so.”

“What makes you say that?” Bucky asked, and Steve pulled a face.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “Just…a feeling, I guess.” Bucky’s eyebrows twitched up, and Steve shook his head. “I know, I know. Something weird definitely just…but I don’t think it’s Hydra weird.”

“I hope not,” Jim said fervently. “The last thing we need is Hydra knowing how to turn invisible.” That brought a general chorus of fervent agreement, and the matter generally dropped.

 _There is something odd about you. Are both of your parents mortal?_ That question nagged at Steve, but he pushed it away. It wasn’t like he could ask the stranger what he’d been talking about. Probably it had something to do with the Super Soldier Serum.

Only – how had he known, just by looking at Steve?

“Something bugging you?” Bucky asked lowly. Steve shook his head.

“Nothing much,” he said. “We should keep moving.”

* * *

One of the advantages of having command of his own unit was that Steve got his own tent, though half the time Bucky ended up crowding into it anyway and more often than not taking up more than half the space when he inevitably fell asleep.

At first when Steve woke up he assumed it was because of the low drone of Bucky’s snoring, but pretty fast he realized that there was a light in the tent that wasn’t his lantern, and sitting in the corner was the stranger from the scrap in the woods, studying Steve intently.

He jerked up with a sharp intake of breath and looked to Bucky, surprised he hadn’t woken up first. “He won’t wake,” the stranger said, voice still pitched low. Steve stiffened.

“What do you mean? What the hell did you do to him?”

“I did not _hurt_ him.” The stranger sounded almost offended. “I simply suggested he remain sleeping. It isn’t _him_ I want to speak to.”

“What do you mean, ‘suggested,’” Steve demanded. He could hear the aggressive note in his voice. The stranger cast his eyes up as though Steve was being unbelievably tiresome.

“A simple working suffices, particularly on an already exhausted mind. Really he should thank me: he will wake better rested than I suspect he has been in months.” The stranger cocked his head. “You, though…the leader of the 107th Infantry Regiment is Captain Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America. That is your name?”

Steve’s head was spinning. “A simple working? What is that? And how did you get in here, who are you working for-”

The stranger looked faintly surprised. “I know your realm has little in the way of magic, but surely you are not wholly ignorant of…” The look on Steve’s face must have been answer enough, because the stranger trailed off. “…or perhaps you are.” He sighed. “I used magecraft to ensure your friend would sleep through our conversation, as well as to divert other listening ears. Does that answer your first question? I am working for no one but myself.”

Steve blinked once, and then several more times. “Magic,” he said dumbly.  “You’re…” He realized belatedly that the source of the light was a small orb hovering just over the stranger’s shoulder. He gestured at that, too, unable to keep from staring. “Is that magic too?”

“Indeed.” The stranger looked just a bit self-satisfied, for a moment, though it passed quickly in favor of an intent, curious expression. “But I am not here to discuss my _seiðr_. I have been…researching. You are of the United States, yes? Hence ‘America.’ According to your newspapers, your enemies are the Germans and the Japanese.” He paused. “It seems odd, that you would divide yourselves up along so many lines within one realm. What is the difference, when you are all mortals?”

“Wait,” Steve said, his head spinning more the longer the stranger talked. “You still haven’t – magic? You’re actually using _magic?_ Where did you come from, who are you-” He almost tripped over the words, trying to get all his questions out. “What do you mean, within one realm? Are you not – _not_ mortal?”

“Truly your isolation has done your people a great disservice,” the stranger said, sounding pitying. “I suppose since I have your name it is only courteous to offer you mind. I am Loki Odinson, from the golden realm of Asgard. This is Midgard, the middle realm. You know none of this?”

The names scratched at something vaguely familiar in Steve’s mind, but he couldn’t quite pin it down, especially since his mouth had gone dry and Steve was starting to feel a mixture of excitement and fear mingled with the confusion. “Asgard,” he said. He thought of Hydra’s new weapons, nothing like anything anyone’d seen before. “Is that…where is that?”

The stranger – Loki - frowned at him. “Nowhere you can get to from here. That is not important. The point is-”

“It _is_ important,” Steve insisted. Bucky let out a snort, and Steve looked at him quickly, but somehow he was still sleeping soundly. He felt like an idiot, but… “Are you – are you an _alien?_ ”

“I told you who I am.” Loki sounded offended again. “I am _trying_ to ask you a question.”

“Sorry if I’m a little alarmed by someone popping up in my tent in the middle of the night using magic, referring to people as ‘mortals’, and claiming to be from some place I’ve never heard of!” Steve burst out. Loki blinked, seeming genuinely surprised. Steve tensed, suddenly worried he might have said too much. The surprise faded slowly into a frown.

“I suppose this must all seem a bit alarming to you,” he said slowly.

“No kidding,” Steve said, not relaxing.

“I do not mean you any harm.” His head did that little cock to the side again, quizzical and curious. “It has been some time since I visited this realm. It seems much has changed.” The frown deepened, and Steve kept his mouth shut with an effort so he didn’t ask when Loki had _last_ visited. After what felt like a long moment, he let out a sigh and relaxed. “Very well. If you have questions, you may ask them. I will answer as best I can.”

 _Of course I have questions,_ Steve wanted to say, but now that the adrenaline was wearing off a little he could feel the desire to sleep pressing down on him. “Actually, I need to rest,” he said bluntly. “It’s the middle of the night.”

Loki glanced up as though that had just occurred to him. Maybe, Steve thought, it had. “So it is.” He brushed his hands on his pants, seeming to be considering something. “If I returned at a more appropriate hour, perhaps we might speak further?”

Steve blinked. “We, uh. Might,” he said carefully. “If I’m not in the middle of a firefight, or something else. And the team might be a little…you spooked a lot of them, disappearing like that.” _And me,_ Steve thought privately.

“And you?” Loki asked, arching his eyebrows, a faintly mischievous smile flickering on his lips. Steve looked away, face warming.

“I’m not that easy to scare.”

“Perhaps not.” His expression shifted again, turning thoughtful. “I will see what I can do.”

And then he was gone. Steve let out a relieved breath and almost immediately turned to Bucky, shaking him. “Mmm-rrph,” he said coherently, and rolled over without opening his eyes even a sliver. Steve stared at the corner where Loki had been sitting, half wondering if he’d dreamed the whole thing.

 _Magic,_ he thought, and wasn’t sure if it was awe or fear.

Steve crawled back into his bag and closed his eyes. Loki. Where did he know that name from?

* * *

When Steve woke up, the whole thing felt like a vaguely muzzy dream, and he came very close to assuming it was that – except that the Commandos were still buzzing about their weird encounter yesterday. For some reason he couldn’t quite put his finger on, Steve kept Loki’s visit to himself.

They were staying put for the day, waiting for intel on where they needed to go next, which gave Steve time to sit with his sketchbook. When he caught himself drawing his midnight visitor, though, he frowned at the page and closed the book.

“Hey, fellas,” he said. “Any of you heard the name ‘Loki’ before?”

A lot of blank stares greeted him. “Wait, hold on,” Dum Dum said abruptly. “That’s…Norse, right? Mythology. God of…mischief, or evil, or something.” There was a pause, and he said a bit defensively, “what? So I’ve read some stuff.”

“How’d that come up?” Bucky asked, setting his cards down. Steve caught himself fiddling with the pages of his sketchbook. _I am a god,_ he remembered Loki shouting, and the casual way he’d discussed magic. Steve didn’t put much stock in that, not literally, but if someone were powerful and could call humans “mortals”…

“God of evil?” He asked Dum Dum instead of answering Bucky’s question. He shrugged.

“I don’t remember much more than the name, sorry.”

Now Bucky was frowning at him. “Seriously, Steve, why the sudden interest in Norse mythology?”

Steve cleared his throat and looked down at his sketchbook. “You know our mysterious disappearing friend?” He said, after a moment in which he was tempted to keep the whole thing to himself until he figured out a little more about what was going on. “He, hm. Dropped in last night.”

Bucky shot up first, from casual lounging to rigid tension in less than a second. “What? I would’ve woken up,” he said hotly, and was promptly drowned out by a chorus of other alarmed voices, including everyone who’d been on watch insisting that they hadn’t seen anyone, nothing could’ve slipped by them.

“I believe you,” Steve said quickly, raising his voice. “He had some sort of – thing. Don’t laugh – he called it magic. It’s the reason you didn’t wake up – and probably why nobody else saw him either.”

“Except you,” Gabe said, frowning.

“Yeah,” Steve said after a moment. “Except me.”

“And he called himself Loki?” Dum Dum looked a little spooked.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, that’s what he said. From Asgard.” Dum Dum made a kind of choking sound. “I’m guessing that’s from the myths too?”

Bucky, meanwhile, didn’t look any calmer. “He did _what_ to me?”

Steve shifted, suddenly very conscious of all of them staring at him. “Just made you sleep, I think. He said it wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Oh, well, if the crazy person pretending to be a Norse god said so,” Bucky said, a very faint wild look around his eyes. Steve shook his head.

“That’s the thing, though – I’m not saying I think he’s a _god,_ because I don’t, but some of the things he was saying – and how do you explain why you didn’t wake up and nobody saw him come in?”

“But what did he want with you?” Jacques asked, and they were all staring at him and Steve didn’t have an answer.

“I don’t know,” he said finally. “I honestly don’t.”

“D’you think this is some kind of Hydra trick?” Gabe asked. “I mean – the Krauts are really into that shit, right? Wagner and whatever?”

“I don’t think that’s it,” Steve said slowly. “But…” He sighed. “I don’t really have any reason to think that. Just a feeling.”

“In the stories he’s supposed to pull some pretty nasty stunts,” Dum Dum said.

“Well,” Steve said after a moment, “let’s not base our judgment on – old myths. We’ll just keep an eye out. And be careful.”

* * *

Of course, for two days after that – another half day of sitting around waiting, and then finally moving out with the next Hydra base coordinates in hand – there were no midnight visitors or disappearing strangers.

They were hiking through the woods, spread out into groups of three, when Loki appeared maybe ten paces in front of them, leaning casually against one of the trees. Bucky had his rifle up even before Steve really registered that he was there, though he didn’t shoot.

“You are walking into a trap,” Loki informed Steve, ignoring the gun pointed at him. “Perhaps a mile further in the direction you are going. Twenty or so of these Hydra soldiers, fairly well fortified. They buried explosives in the snow, perhaps five paces apart.”

Steve blinked. “How do you know,” Bucky said, sounding a little belligerent.

Loki turned his head just enough to look down his nose at Bucky. “I have eyes,” he said blandly. Steve saw him twitch, but they just stared at each other, and a moment later Loki tossed his head. “I am somewhat gifted at finding my way unseen if I wish.”

“Radio the others that we need to stop,” Steve said to Jim. “They must’ve intercepted the orders, somehow.” Jim’s eyes flicked between Loki and Steve, but he nodded and dropped down to get out the gear.

“You believe him?” Bucky said.

“By all means, keep going,” Loki said. “I will be delighted to tell your corpse that I told you so.”

Bucky’s face did that thing that meant he was spoiling for a fight. Steve stepped forward, reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder. “I think it’s at least worth checking out,” he said, keeping his eyes on Loki. “Better safe than sorry.”

“At least your Captain has a modicum of sense,” Loki said.

“Awfully convenient,” Bucky said. “You knowing exactly where to find us. And all about this Hydra ambush.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed. “If you have an accusation to make, please, make it.”

“Who’s making accusations? I’m just trying to figure out what your deal is.” Steve squeezed Bucky’s shoulder, but Bucky shrugged him off. “Where’d you come from? And what’s your game in this? Whose side are you on?”

“Mine,” Loki said. His teeth flashed in an expression that made Steve tense. “It is so much more difficult to have any fun on this realm when you lot are busy killing each other.” Loki’s eyes wandered to Steve and lingered on him for a moment before drawing away. “And you did not make the mistake of manhandling me as they did. Therefore you have a… _minor_ share in my favor.”

“Lucky us,” Bucky said flatly. “But where are you _from?_ What kind of nutcase names himself after a myth?”

“I do.” Loki turned to Steve. “Silence your friend before I decide life as a goat would suit him better.”

Steve stiffened. “Don’t threaten Sergeant Barnes,” he said sharply. Loki’s eyes narrowed a fraction further, and this time when he cocked his head there was something faintly menacing about his expression. He would’ve sworn he felt something, too, a vaguely electric charge to the air, something coalescing.

“Or what?” He said, something silky in his voice. Steve heard Bucky cock his gun and swallowed hard and took a gamble.

“Or I stop talking to you,” he said. “And you don’t figure out whatever it is you’re so curious about.” He squared his jaw. “All these men are my friends. They deserve respect.”

“And I could always just shoot you,” Bucky said. Steve tried not to wince, Loki’s pale eyes boring into his for a long moment before he scoffed and looked away.

“You might try,” he said, but the feeling of danger melted away and the smile Loki flashed in Bucky’s direction was almost teasing – though that just seemed to make Bucky’s hackles go up further. “Very well, Captain Rogers – is that the appropriate address? You presume a great deal, but you amuse me; I shall accept it.”

“Very gracious of you,” Steve said, his voice dry. He was certain Loki noticed, but he seemed to opt to ignore it.

“Others are waiting for your call,” Jim said, who based on the look on his face had been waiting for things to settle down to say anything. “Falsworth wants to know if you want him to go ahead.”

Loki examined his nails, more than a little ostentatiously. “There should be no need, actually. I displaced the explosives under their fortifications. They should be discovering that in just a few moments.”

“You what?” Jim said, apparently not able to keep his mouth shut any longer. Loki glanced at him with a slight frown.

“I thought I was quite,” he started to say, and was interrupted by the dull sound of a series of explosions in the middle distance. Steve startled and then stared at Loki, who flashed him a smile that was almost dazzling.

“Just doing my part for the war effort,” he said lightly. “I shall be in touch.” And he vanished.

Jim swore under his breath. “The hell,” said Bucky, more loudly. There was shouting audible in the distance, from where the ambush must be. Have been. Steve cleared his throat.

“Tell the others to move forward,” he said to Jim. “Slowly, though.”

It seemed like Loki might be – _might_ be – on their side. He wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

* * *

The Hydra ambush was in chaos. The Commandos handled it easily. They met Phillips and Peggy at the rendezvous point and passed on the good news – though Steve held off on mentioning Loki just yet, even if he felt guilty as he did it.

“How did you know there was an ambush?” Peggy asked, her eyes narrowed.

“Good scouting,” Steve said, trying to look innocent.

“Lucky,” Peggy said, something in her voice that made Steve think he was going to get an interrogation later.

Of course, first when he got back to his tent, Loki was already there. Steve resisted the urge to sigh.

“You know,” he said, keeping his voice mild. “This whole appearing-and-disappearing act makes it pretty hard to have a conversation.”

“Had I known you felt you were deprived, I might have lingered longer,” Loki said, still with that playful lightness. Steve eyed him.

“Thank you,” he said after a moment. “For the warning about the ambush. You probably spared us – at least several casualties because of the warning, and your…help with the mines.”

Loki’s expression did something odd: surprised, and then an odd, bright pleasure that lit up his eyes in the moment before he glanced away with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Think nothing of it. They irritated me, and you are interesting.”

“Still,” Steve said, examining Loki more closely. “I appreciate it.” Loki’s mouth ticked up very slightly at one corner and he glanced sidelong at Steve.

“You are gracious, Captain.” He stretched, turning his head to look at him more directly. “You care a great deal about the men under your command, it seems.”

“They’re my responsibility,” Steve said promptly. “And…my friends. They’re good folks. Good men.”

Loki hummed. “Many warlords would not feel the same way. Or might recognize it and still hold themselves more aloof than you do.”

“I’m not a warlord,” Steve said. “I’m…well. Honestly.” He let out a rueful laugh. “I’m a propaganda figure who got promoted by disobeying orders.”

Loki’s laugh was bright and surprisingly free. “Well now, that does sound like a tale.”

Emboldened, Steve took a seat on a crate and leaned forward. “All right, I could tell you. But how about you tell me something about you first?”

“I have already told you my name and where I am from,” Loki said, with just a slight twitch of his eyebrows.

“The odd thing is,” Steve said, “that name, Loki, it’s in some of our stories. Myths.”

Loki’s nose wrinkled, though he did not look entirely displeased. “I do not think I want to know what they are saying about me.”

“So-” Steve broke off. “Wait. Are you saying…” _It has been some time since I visited this realm,_ he’d said. Steve’s mouth felt a little dry. “That’s not _you._ ”

“Well, no,” Loki said. “Loosely based on, one could say. Inspired by. Though having heard what your people make of things, I suspect I would scarcely recognize myself.”

Steve blinked, and then blinked again. He took a deep breath. “How old are you, exactly?” He said, carefully.

“The Aesir generally stop counting around our eight hundredth birthday,” Loki said casually.

Steve opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked at Loki again, half expecting to see new lines, or something that would indicate age, but he looked the same: Steve would’ve guessed around his own age, maybe younger. The way Loki threw around ‘mortals’ suddenly made a lot more sense. “Oh,” he said, a little faint. Loki looked a little amused.

“My father fairly recently passed his 4000th,” he added helpfully. Steve felt a little dizzy.

“That’s nice,” he said, because he couldn’t think of a more appropriate response. “You’re not…pulling my leg, are you?”

“If by that you mean to ask if I am intentionally deceiving you, then no,” Loki said, his expression turning almost sympathetic. “I am not.”

Steve blew out a breath, a little glad he was sitting down. “Wow,” he said. “I…huh.” Steve stared at Loki again, who was watching him with an odd little half smile on his face. He made himself laugh. “And you’re here talking to me just…because?”

The little half smile faded. “I told you that I find you interesting.”

“Yeah, you said,” Steve allowed. “But…” He trailed off. It sounded…hopelessly pathetic, saying what he was really thinking: _what’s so interesting about me to a guy who’s lived for centuries._

“That surprises you,” Loki said. He sounded almost thoughtful. “Do you think so poorly of yourself?”

“It’s not that,” Steve protested. “I’m just realistic. I know who I am, and no matter what the propaganda reels’ll tell you, I’m not that special.”

“I happen to disagree.” Loki examined him, the thoughtfulness shading toward something more intense. He leaned forward. “There is something about you. I thought at first you might be a sorcerer, but you are not. But there is…something.”

Steve tried not to lean back. “Something like what?” He asked a little nervously.

“If I knew, I would tell you,” Loki said, sounding almost rueful. “But I do not.” He eyed Steve. “If I were to continue visiting, would you object? Not,” he added swiftly, “that I particularly care if you do. But it seems polite to at least ask your input.”

Steve considered. “As long as you’re helping,” he said finally, slowly, “I probably wouldn’t mind. Though my men – if you’re going to be around more you should talk to them.” Loki sighed as though the idea were tedious, and Steve narrowed his eyes. “Don’t be like that. They’re at least as interesting as I am.”

Loki’s eyebrows flicked up. “You got over your awe quickly,” he said. Steve blinked.

“I guess I’ve seen a lot of weird stuff in the last few months,” he said finally. He paused. “Though – don’t you have other things to do? On…Asgard?”

An odd expression crossed Loki’s face. “I suppose someone will notice I am gone eventually,” he said, the words flippant, but Steve thought he caught a trace of bitterness.

“Oh,” Steve said. He tried not to sound sympathetic, but there must’ve been something in his voice, because Loki gave him a sharp look, expression suddenly closing off. “Well,” he added lamely. “Just curious.”

“Not always a virtue, I am told,” Loki said, his voice clipped, and stood. “Good afternoon, Captain.”

“Hold on,” Steve started to say, but Loki was already gone. Steve huffed out a breath. That was starting to get annoying.

* * *

“So are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?”

Steve jumped a little, surprised that he’d been distracted enough not to notice Peggy approaching. He snapped his sketchbook shut, but not before he noticed that he’d been drawing Loki again, and looked up at her. “What?”

The look she gave him was unimpressed. “You are a terrible liar, Steve Rogers.”

 _I don’t know what you’re talking about,_ Steve thought about saying, but he was already looking down at his feet and fidgeting. Being around Peggy made him feel like he was still the scrawny punk Bucky dragged along to bars. And at the same time like that might not be such a bad thing. “What do you think I’m lying about,” he hedged.

“The ambush,” she said, eyes narrowing. “It wasn’t just good scouting, was it?”

“We had help,” Steve said after a moment. “An – um. Informant.”

“Who?” Peggy demanded ruthlessly. “A deserter? Why aren’t they with you now?”

“It’s complicated,” Steve said. Peggy’s eyes narrowed another hair, the look on her face eerily similar to when she’d fired three shots into an untested shield prototype.

“I think I can probably handle it.”

Steve considered trying to argue, and knew he wouldn’t be able to win. So he told her, as concisely and plainly as he could. By the end, she was sitting down with a line between her eyebrows and a look on her face between frustration and consternation.

“You’re telling me you’ve got an alien named after a trickster god following you?”

“Maybe not just named after,” Steve said, almost apologetic. “Based on how old he alluded to being…it might be the trickster god named after him.”

Peggy just looked at him, and then shook her head, slowly. “I don’t think I like this,” she said. “Do you trust him?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Steve said. “But I don’t think…” He breathed out. “He doesn’t _gain_ anything by helping us, as far as I can tell. But he did. And he seems…well, curious, at least, if not friendly.”

“’Curious’ sounds like the kind of thing that could lead to someone playing games to make things more interesting for _them_ ,” Peggy said, not quite darkly. “Especially when it’s someone who doesn’t have a stake.”

Steve half-smiled. “Well, you and Bucky seem to agree on that.”

“Me and Carter agree on what?” Bucky said, giving Peggy a lazy smile.

“Being wary of Loki,” Steve said. “Not that I’m _not,_ and I think he’s _trying_ to annoy you,” he added to Bucky.

“Yeah, I got that,” Bucky said, easy expression turning a little toward a frown. “And hey, Carter’s a smart gal.” Peggy looked like she was either trying not to smile or trying not to roll her eyes.

“I’m just saying to be careful. And that’s not always your strong suit.”

“Hey,” Steve protested, but Bucky shook his head.

“She’s got a point there.”

Steve grimaced. “The two of you going to start ganging up on me now?”

“Sure,” Bucky said, at the same time Peggy said, “no one’s ganging up on you, Steve.” They glanced at each other, and Bucky laughed, throwing a salute.

“Whatever you say, Miss Carter,” he drawled, and she gave him a withering stare before looking back at Steve.

“So. You’ll be careful?”

“I’ll be careful,” Steve said dutifully. “Though honestly he’s the one who turns up out of the blue. I don’t have a whole lot of control over it.”

“That’s fine,” Peggy said. “But you can control how you talk to him.”

* * *

Half a day on march to their next target and Loki strolled into the Commandos’ camp, Gabe Jones just behind him. “I thought I would do things properly this time,” he said, smiling at Steve as he stood up, the other turning to stare. “And perhaps offer a formal introduction? My name is Loki. I have taken an interest in your Captain.” Steve felt his face inexplicably warm. “And by extension, it seems, in you. He assures me you are a worthy lot, and it seems you are indeed champions of your realm, at least according to your people, and fearsome warriors, according to your enemies.” Loki smiled brightly.

“He just walked up to me,” Gabe said, mostly to Steve. “Asked me to escort him here. Told me I could restrain him if it – quote, made me feel better.”

Bucky’s face had gone into the glower he’d used back in Brooklyn to scare bullies off messing with Steve. “So you’re, what, just here to chat?”

“It seems I am.” Loki’s smile was infectious, Steve thought. The kind of smile that put people at ease and made them want to smile back, though no one seemed to be falling for it yet. “And as is customary, as a guest in your – however temporary – abode I have brought food and drink.” He made an odd little gesture, and on their low, makeshift table was a substantial bottle of whiskey and a plate of what looked like pork roast.

Falsworth jumped back from the table with a yelp, and everyone else’s eyes got huge. Dum Dum’s eyes fixed on the whiskey and he poked it with a finger before snatching it up. “Is this real?” He demanded. Loki sauntered over, ignoring the way the group drew back a little, plucked the bottle up, unscrewed the cap and took a generous swallow before handing it back with a little flourish.

“No tricks, good soldier,” he said. “Please. I cannot imagine that you have had much in the way of decent fare recently.” Steve could smell the meat. It was making his mouth water.

“Don’t think anyone’s going to call K-rations decent,” Jim said. Someone else laughed, and some of the mood eased. Loki’s eyes moved to Bucky, his head cocking a fraction to the side. Something passed between them, and then Bucky held out a hand toward Dum Dum without looking away.

“Hey, Dugan, give me some of that,” he said. Dum Dum handed the bottle over and Bucky took a swig of his own. “It’s all right,” he allowed. Loki’s lips twitched and the rest of the mood broke. Someone reached for the plate of roast. Steve, looking at Loki, caught the briefest flicker of satisfaction on his face before he glanced toward Steve, one eyebrow flicking up. Steve let himself smile and gave a nod that he hoped was encouraging.

Loki flashed him that grin, the one that made Steve want to smile back, and sat down on the ground – though he remained straight-backed, still somehow almost formal. Steve wondered, distractedly, if he ever really relaxed.

They passed the bottle around, even offering it to Steve once, but though he took a couple pieces of the meat (rich and flavorful, better than anything he’d eaten in months – or possibly ever) he declined the whiskey, keeping quiet and just watching.

What he observed was that Loki was good at this: at drawing people out, getting them to talk. All his questions sounded genuinely interested, and he seemed able to know just what to ask: Jones about his girl, Dernier about his home. He caught himself wondering how much of it was real, and then wondered if he was just being paranoid.

“So if you’re Loki,” Dum Dum asked after a couple of rounds, “is there a Thor somewhere around too? Or Odin?”

Steve caught the flash of an expression across Loki’s face, something too complicated to untangle. “Somewhere around,” he said lightly, and then skated deftly away from the subject, expression shifting back to friendly ease with masterful control.

The conversation died down eventually, folks stumbling off to bed down. Bucky took first watch, and eventually it was just Steve and Loki. Steve raised his eyebrows, half smiling.

“Well? What do you think?” Loki looked briefly startled, and then amused.

“They are an interesting group,” he said after a moment. “One could say motley, but for fear of offending. I would expect them to be ill-matched, but it does not seem that they are.”

Steve felt a faint flicker of pride. “They make a good team.”

Loki looked thoughtful. “I am sure good leadership is a part of that,” he said, inclining his head in Steve’s direction.

“Nah,” Steve said, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. “I just threw them together. They did the rest.”

“I doubt that is entirely true.” Loki’s eyes were sharp, almost unnervingly intense. Steve cleared his throat and looked away, obscurely uncomfortable. “So tell me about yourself,” Loki went on. “I know little about you, save what your newsreels and papers claim. You were not always a warrior, I do not think.”

Steve looked down at his hands. _I wasn’t much of anything,_ he thought, but held it back, remembering what Peggy had said. “I still don’t exactly know a lot about you, either.”

Loki cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing for a moment before his expression cleared. “What would you ask?” He said, after a moment, and Steve floundered a little.

“Uh-” He knew he had questions, but they’d suddenly all flown out of his head. He grasped after one of them. “What do you do? When you’re not here, I mean.”

“Oh, you know,” Loki said, entirely too casually. “The usual sorts of things.”

“I don’t think I do know,” Steve said. “What are the usual things on Asgard?”

Something like distaste momentarily twisted Loki’s mouth. “Why should it matter to you how I occupy my time?”

Steve made himself shrug. “Why shouldn’t it?”

Loki looked at him sidelong, and then sighed. “The fact that I find Midgard more interesting should tell you enough.”

Steve felt little stung. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Only that…” Loki frowned. “Midgard is – is _considered,_ ” he amended, “somewhat of a…well. A backwater. That is why the All-Father has forbidden visits, after all: he fears meddling from the other Realms will cause harm to the natives.” His smile was sharp. Steve narrowed his eyes.

“Who’s the All-Father? And if he’s forbidden visiting-”

“Then why am I here? Ah, well. I never have taken much to rules.” Loki’s smile shifted into something both rueful and mischievous, though it faded quickly with his next words. “The All-Father is…it is complicated. The ruler of Asgard, is probably the simplest way of thinking of it. But he is also…all the Realms in some way answer to his authority.”

Steve frowned, not really liking the sound of that. “That seems like…hm. A lot of power for one person to have.” Loki gave him an odd look.

“He is very powerful,” he said, as though that explained it. “He keeps things in order. Ensures the peace.” _A peace under the rule of one man,_ Steve thought, but kept his mouth shut. “He is wise, and…”

“And you’re still ignoring his edict,” Steve interrupted. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

An odd expression crossed Loki’s face. “If he were even to notice,” he said, and there was something bitter in his voice again, “I am sure I would get a scolding, yes. But I doubt he will notice.”

Steve leaned forward a little. “You said something like that before, that no one would notice you were gone. Don’t you…” He didn’t know how to phrase this without it sounding awful. “What about your friends? On Asgard?”

Loki’s nostrils flared and for a moment there was something ugly in his eyes, bitterness and sadness and anger tangled together. “Ah, yes,” he said, voice a little tart. “My friends.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said carefully. Loki’s head snapped around and he stared at Steve for a moment, a line appearing slowly between his eyebrows.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.

“Well, it sounds…” Steve had a feeling telling Loki it sounded like he was lonely wouldn’t go over well. He could practically see the guy bristling. “Like you don’t like it much,” he settled on, finally. “I mean. Since you’re resorting to coming here, and all.” He let irony touch his voice at that, and Loki had the grace to look a little embarrassed.

“It seems at least some Midgardians are not so dull as I was led to believe,” he said airily.

“Glad to hear it,” Steve said dryly, and thought he might have seen a very faint flush touch Loki’s pale face.

He stood up, abruptly. “This has been – not a poor evening,” he said, not quite looking at Steve. “I shall see you again?” This time, Steve noticed, it was almost a question.

“Sure,” Steve said, after just a second’s pause. “Just remember that not all of us are on vacation here. Me and the Commandos have a job to do.”

Loki’s expression sobered, and he considered Steve for a long moment. “I am not unfamiliar with war, Captain,” he said after a long moment. “I do not intend to put you at risk.”

He vanished. Steve frowned, wondering if the vaguely portentous sound to that meant something or if it was just the way Loki talked.

* * *

The next day they walked straight into an ambush.

They were smart about it – waited until the squad had to fan out, spread thinly, and then pounced. Steve didn’t experience much of the fight that followed, though; he came around with his head throbbing and trussed up like a fatted calf, listening to what sounded like the middle of an argument in German. He could only understand a few words here and there and wished fervently that he’d learned more of the language. He heard _Captain America,_ though, and _commander._

“Hey,” he said, and his voice came out sounding hoarse. “Rude to talk about a guy when he can’t understand you.”

Three of their heads swiveled around to look at them, one of them going for a gun. Steve felt a small pulse of satisfaction at the fact that even with him tied up like this they were still nervous, but it was overpowered by the thought of his team. Where were they? Were they…all right?

(Were they alive?)

“ _Halt die Fresse_ ,” one of them snapped. Steve grimaced, trying to summon what he knew out of his memory.

“Uh – _fick dich_ ,” he said, and pulled out a grin. The nearest soldier turned around and slammed the butt of his rifle into Steve’s face. Steve felt the familiar crack of his nose breaking, the explosion of pain radiating out. He clenched his jaw so he didn’t make a noise and turned his head so he didn’t swallow the blood dripping in globs from his nose.

“He said to shut up,” one of them said. Steve forced his watering eyes open. “I said we should have just killed him,” the same soldier said, still in English, so Steve knew he was meant to hear. The way the one who’d jumped shook his head made Steve think they’d already gone over it.

His heart was starting to race. Someone wanted him alive – he had one guess who. But he doubted the same was true of the rest of the Commandos. They never would’ve let him get captured easy, and that he was here and they weren’t-

 _Stupid,_ Steve thought angrily. _Stupid, should’ve seen the ambush coming, should’ve fought harder, should’ve-_

One of the soldiers stood up and said something in German. Steve tested his bonds, but he couldn’t get enough leverage to get out. The one who’d hit Steve in the face turned the other end of his rifle on Steve, tone sharp in reply. Someone else doused the small fire, and Steve felt a slight flicker of hope.

“What, fellas,” he said loudly. “Something the matter?”

Somebody kicked him in the kidneys and Steve let out a sharp noise before he could bite it back. “ _Was is es?_ ”

“ _Keine Ahnung,_ ” came the response. Steve felt a faint spur of hope. He squirmed, trying to draw their attention even if it hurt to move, only to have someone yank his head back by the hair and jam a gun against the back of his head.

“Whoever is out there,” one of them shouted. “We have a gun to your Captain’s head! First sign of fire and we shoot!”

Silence. Steve strained his ears, but he couldn’t hear anything. He thought he glimpsed something, maybe, moving in the dark, and tried to see without turning his head. His heart was racing and not just because of the barrel pressed to his skull: it was something else, some other feeling.

The doused fire roared into violent life, and everything went insane. Fighting always felt that way, Steve knew, but it was worse on the ground, half blind from the sudden light of the flame and he couldn’t tell if it was the Commandos or someone else. He heard a choked shout from behind him and the grip in his hair went slack, the gun falling away. “Hey!” He tried to yell. “Hey, I’m over here!”

He could hear someone screaming in German only to be suddenly cut off. Someone loomed in front of him and Steve flinched back, but they were dropping into a crouch and in a flash of metal sliced through the rope bindings.

“Stay still,” said _Loki’s_ voice, “and stay down.” And then he was gone. Steve felt a rush of panic – he was just supposed to stay here, defenseless? – and rolled over, crawling along the ground until he found the pistol that had probably been held to his head. He checked the ammunition and held it close, but didn’t try to get up. The sounds of fighting were dying down, though he flinched when someone screamed.

Someone came staggering out of the dark, head swinging back and forth. Steve tried to look dead, but some twitch gave him away. “You,” he snarled. “What in hell did you bring with you?” Steve moved to raise his pistol at the same time the soldier raised his, but his hand was wobbly and his vision blurred-

“What a good question,” he heard, a kind of silky, malevolent purr. The soldier jerked and the gun went off. Pain seared along Steve’s shoulder, knocking him back.

He must have blanked out for a moment, because when he blinked Loki was bent over him again, face now illumined by one of those glowing magic orbs. The fire was out again. Steve’s shoulder felt hot and damp, throbbing with pain, and when Loki’s fingers brushed it, Steve hissed.

“ _Raggeitur,_ ” Loki said, which didn’t mean anything to Steve but sounded like an insult.

“Where’d you come from,” Steve asked. His shoulder and head seemed to throb in counterpoint. It was hard to stay focused. “Where’s…everyone? Are they okay?”

Loki looked vaguely exasperated. “That would be your first question,” he said, and then scooped Steve up like he was still 90 pounds. The sudden shift made Steve’s head spin and several parts of his body protest.

“I can walk,” he said, and then realized that wasn’t an answer. “My friends. Are they all right?”

“A bit battered and very concerned,” Loki said, not moving to set him down. “But they are alive.” Steve felt a rush of relief so strong it left him dizzy. Or maybe that was just his head. Aw, hell. Loki paused. “I suggest you close your eyes,” he said. “This is likely to be disorienting.”

“What is,” Steve started to ask, but then the world _was_ spinning, and he thought he saw stars, and heard singing, or _something,_ and-

It was too much. He blacked out.

* * *

Steve came around still feeling a little sick and dizzy, but the pain was considerably less. Best of all, there were no Hydra soldiers, just Bucky looking like he’d dozed off, sporting an impressive shiner but very definitely alive.

“Hey,” Steve said, and winced a little when his voice came out sounding like it’d been scraped over gravel.

Bucky shot up and his face split into a grin that was a sight for sore eyes. “Steve,” he said. “How’re you feeling?”

“Fine and dandy,” Steve said, pushing himself up. It was even mostly true. He checked his shoulder, experimentally, and if he still hurt it didn’t feel like he’d been shot...how recently? “How long’ve I been,” he asked, as Bucky twitched forward, his worried face on.

“Near twenty-four hours,” Bucky said. “Since you got back. Since Loki, uh.” Bucky’s expression did something odd. Steve thought back, trying to remember…it seemed blurry, confusing. He’d been a prisoner, and then Loki had been there, and…

“What happened?” He asked.

“Thought you’d be able to say better than us,” Bucky said. “After the ambush – we fought our way out of it, seemed easy enough – makes sense, in retrospect, if the only point was grabbing you. By the time we figured that, they were already out of range – they had cars. We were trying to work out the best way to get you out when Loki just – turned up.” Bucky snapped his fingers. “Like that, you know.”

Steve remembered the way Loki had seemed to materialize out of the shadows. Remembered, too, the soldier saying _what the hell did you bring with you?_ and felt a prickle on his spine. There’d been an entire squad of – eight? ten?

“Obviously he figured out you weren’t there pretty fast. I wasn’t sure about…well. I don’t know. But Dum Dum told him you’d been taken. He got really quiet for a second and then said, ‘I see’ and took off like a bat out of hell.” Bucky shook his head. “And then an hour or so later he comes back carrying you like it was nothing.”

The prickle intensified. So Loki had been alone. Alone, against maybe ten trained soldiers, and somehow Steve doubted any of them had survived.

Bucky sat back. “He killed them, didn’t he? All of them.” Steve said nothing, and Bucky whistled lowly. “Wow.” He paused, and then his mouth twisted and he just said, “ _Good._ ”

Steve blinked. “That doesn’t-”

“Bother me?” Bucky snorted. “I don’t think they were planning on cooking you a nice dinner, Stevie. Far as I’m concerned, they deserve what they got.” There was something a little savage in Bucky’s voice. “As for _him…_ seems like he’s taken a shine to you, for whatever reason. If it means getting you out in one piece before we’d even figured out where they’d gone…well, hell.”

Steve still felt…well. He wasn’t sure what he felt. Fear, maybe, of how easy it had seemed, but also something else. Something sort of like awe. “Is he here?” He asked, thinking it might be easier to process if he could actually look Loki in the eye, but Bucky shook his head.

“Nope. Bugged out again – though he stuck around while we patched you together.” He snorted. “I think Dum Dum’s going to nominate him our mascot.”

“I thought I was the mascot,” Steve said, mostly joking. Bucky grinned.

“Nah. You’re our captain.” He patted Steve on the shoulder. “Take it easy, punk. You’re still not invincible.”

“Never said I thought I was,” Steve shot back, but Bucky just laughed and stepped out.

* * *

Steve supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that he dozed off, even if he hadn’t wanted to. He also shouldn’t have been surprised that when he woke up what couldn’t have been more than a few hours later, Loki was sitting cross legged, a couple of arm lengths away. Steve moved to sit up, the ache in his head all but gone, and Loki frowned.

“Should you be trying to rouse? I am given to understand humans take a great deal longer to heal.”

“I’m fine,” Steve said stubbornly. “I heal faster than most.” Loki looked unconvinced, but he did not object aloud. Steve cleared his throat, a little uncertain. “So you…I owe you. You saved my life out there. Probably saved me from a lot worse.”

Loki looked so startled that Steve almost wanted to laugh – except something about that seemed sad. A moment later he looked away and flicked his fingers as though shooing a fly. “It was nothing.”

“I wouldn’t say saving my life was nothing,” Steve said. Loki looked almost embarrassed.

“If you are going to be maudlin about it I will go,” Loki said.

“Didn’t know thanking a person counted as maudlin,” Steve said. “But all right, suit yourself.” Loki seemed to relax. “Can I ask how you found me?”

Loki shrugged. “It was easy. You shine.”

“I – what?” Steve looked down at himself, half expecting to see some kind of shimmer, but of course there was nothing. “What are you talking about?”

“Not to your eyes,” Loki said. “To my magic-sense. You glow. It was why you stood out, when I first saw you – I thought initially you might be Aesir-blooded, or perhaps have some small magic, but neither was the case.” Steve remembered that odd feeling, the prickling. “You are…relatively unique on this realm. It made you easy to track – like finding an eagle among pigeons.”

Steve shook his head a little. “To your – magic sense,” he said slowly. “I…what does it look like?”

Loki hesitated, and then said, carefully, “I could show you.”

Steve felt a little shock of surprise go through him, followed by something eager, almost…child-like. The same feeling he’d gotten a little of the first time Loki had so casually mentioned magic: the feeling of wonder. “Show me?” He said, eyes widening.

“I will need to touch your mind,” Loki said. The expression on his face was odd, something Steve couldn’t quite read. “It may…I do not know exactly what it will feel like for you. But it should not hurt.”

Probably Steve should’ve thought longer, but he found himself just nodding, too eager to hold back. To _see_ magic…

Loki’s fingers brushed his wrist lightly, just the barest contact, and a moment later Steve felt – he didn’t know how to describe it. It was like someone else stepping inside his clothes while he was wearing them and he reacted instinctively, shoving them back-

 _Captain,_ said Loki’s voice, only he had a feeling it wasn’t aloud. _You have to let me in._

Steve made himself relax. Tried to…accept the feeling, and a moment later it faded, and he was just – aware of Loki there with him, like they were standing close together, shoulder to shoulder except…closer than that. It was the strangest and most intimate feeling Steve had ever had, and he could feel himself growing self-conscious.

 _Open your eyes,_ Loki said, or thought, and Steve realized he’d closed them. He opened them and gasped. It was like…looking at the world with an extra layer. Everything overlaid with silver, some places swirling like ink in water, some places still as glass. It was beautiful; it was overwhelming.

Steve turned his head to tell Loki as much and sucked in a breath through his teeth, words dying on his tongue. Loki had said _glow_ and Steve had pictured something like a streetlamp, but this was more like – Loki _blazed._ Steve could barely see him through the veins of silver that flowed through and around him, in almost constant motion. “Oh,” he heard himself say.

“Look at yourself,” Loki said.

Steve pulled his eyes away from Loki with an effort and looked down at his hands. He could see what Loki meant – the silver coalesced around him as well, though not in the same way it did Loki, and he couldn’t think that there was really any comparison. But… “It’s beautiful,” he said, honestly awed. “And you – do you see this all the time?”

“Not like this,” Loki said, with a small laugh. “Though it is always…there is always the awareness.”

“Wow,” Steve said softly. “That’s…wow.” He laughed, a little awkwardly. “It’s incredible.”

“It is,” Loki agreed, voice soft. A moment later Steve felt him withdraw, and Steve felt a brief, intense _absence_ – and then it passed, and he saw the world as normal again, alone in his own head. Loki pulled his fingers away. “So you see…what I mean.”

“Sure,” Steve said, still feeling a little breathless, almost dizzy. “But it was nothing like _you_ ,” and then he thought he would blush at how stupid that sounded. The way Loki glanced at him, though, made Steve think he might be pleased.

“I am a mage,” he said, though, as though it were obvious. “It is rather different. You can see why I thought you might have some ability.”

“I don’t?” Steve said, a little disappointed. Loki shrugged.

“Perhaps a little more than some, but not enough to allow you to consciously manipulate seið.” Loki shook his head. “Now…I think perhaps you are marked by the Norns. For what, I could not say. For something great.”

“The Norns,” Steve said blankly. Loki waved a hand.

“Those who rule all destinies,” he said. “Who lay out the fates and steer the courses of the Nine.” He said it as casually as if he was talking about next door neighbors. Steve shook his head.

“I don’t believe in fate.”

“Believe or not, it is still there,” Loki said, with utter certainty. “Guiding your footsteps. And mine.”

Steve grimaced, shaking his head. “I just don’t buy that. That everything is predetermined.”

Loki shrugged. “I suppose we shall see if you have a great future. I shall take that as proof that I was right.”

Steve felt a slight squirm of disquiet in his stomach. “Is that why you’re hanging around?” He asked. “Because you’re…curious about what that’s going to look like?” That was what Loki had said, he supposed. That he thought Steve was ‘interesting.’ Somehow that seemed more personal than just…curiosity about what he’d do.

“Perhaps,” Loki said idly. “Though I admit I would not be half so dedicated to my curiosity if your company was unpleasant.”

That took Steve a minute to parse, and then he caught himself smiling a little. “Was that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Perhaps,” Loki said, but Steve caught a brief flicker around his mouth like he was trying not to smile. “Rest well, Captain. Try to remain unkidnapped in the future. I will not always arrive in time to save you.”

Loki stood and vanished before Steve could respond. Steve just sighed, but he lowered himself back down and closed his eyes.

* * *

In some way it seemed like that was a turning point. The Commandos seemed to accept Loki as – not a fixture, but like Peggy or Howard, an ally. Or maybe, like Bucky had said, a mascot. Like a half feral cat, Loki came when he pleased and went just as quickly – but he was also…helpful. Informing them when their intelligence was faulty, warning them of ambushes.

“What does he get out of it?” Steve asked Bucky, but Bucky just shrugged.

“Don’t ask me,” Bucky said, and then grinned. “Guess he just really likes you, Steve.” Steve grimaced at him.

“That’s not an answer.”

“Cause I don’t have one,” Bucky said. “Who knows? He’s a pretty strange fella. Maybe alien brains work different.”

That didn’t seem like a very satisfactory answer to Steve either, but he let it go. Whatever Loki was thinking, whatever his reasoning was, he _was_ helping. And he seemed to…maybe Steve was imagining things, but he did seem to genuinely like the time he spent with them, however short it was.

Whatever it was he did on Asgard, whatever his life was like – and Steve still hardly knew anything about it, since Loki tended to get cagey around questions  – it seemed like it was lonely. Or he was lonely.

“You ever think about bringing friends?” Gabe asked, after Loki appeared in the middle of a scuffle – and it was _something_ to watch him move, almost breathtaking. He made it look so _graceful._ “One or two more of you and we could have this war over by April.”

Loki’s expression shuttered. “I am afraid you shall have to make do with me,” he said lightly, and vanished.

“Aw, look,” Jim said. “You pissed him off.”

“I was just asking,” Gabe shot back, sounding defensive. “What’s he so sensitive about?”

“Just watch,” Jacques said. “He’ll come back with a dragon or something.” An uncomfortable expression crossed his face. “Do you think there are dragons where he comes from?”

Bucky’s face lit up. “Shit, I hope so,” he said, sounding almost awed. “ _Dragons._ ”

Steve just shook his head.

Loki came back late in the evening, though, when Steve was alone. “Do you want me to bring you more aid?” He asked, without preamble. Steve closed his sketchbook and looked up, studying Loki’s face, but it was unreadable.

“You said that Earth was off limits,” he said slowly. “And I don’t think we want another army…”

“Not an army,” Loki interrupted. “Just a few…others.” He looked away. “I could persuade them to come without much difficulty. They would savor the adventure, the glory.”

Steve pressed his lips together. “But you don’t want to,” he said after a moment.

“No,” Loki said after a moment. “But this is – not my war. It is not my people dying or at risk.” He looked back at Steve, expression serious. “If you ask it…”

Steve set his elbows on his knees. One unexpected alien was one thing. A group of them…if the government got wind of it, that could be dangerous. But Steve’d seen Loki fight. If it could save lives… “Why don’t you want to?” He asked, slowly.

Loki looked away again, picking at one of his hands. “It is selfish.” Steve just waited, and after a moment Loki caved. “I do not…my brother,” he said, and Steve started a little, because Loki had never mentioned having a brother at all. “He is…not like me. Everything I am not. In his presence I can…” Loki’s mouth twisted. “He takes everything. Even when he does not mean to, just by being…who he is. If I brought him here…” He let out a hiss of breath. “This…you and your Commandos. You are mine. This is – mine. Mine alone. If he came here it would become his, and I…” Loki made a slight, almost helpless gesture.

Steve felt a strange tingle down his spine when Loki said _you are mine._ He didn’t examine it too closely. “You think we’d just forget about you,” he said. Loki said nothing, but Steve could still almost hear it: _why not?_

Steve remembered that feeling. Standing next to Bucky, and watching people look right over him because why would they see him when Buck was right there, why pay attention to a sick weakling with lungs that didn’t even work right when you could look at handsome, charming James Barnes. He’d resented it, sometimes. The way it made him feel – worthless. Invisible.

Steve made his decision. “Don’t do it,” he said.

Loki nodded, looking resigned. “I will-“ He stopped, frowned. “What?”

“Don’t do it,” Steve repeated. “It’d be – too many unknown factors. Might just put everyone at more risk, and it could create a whole mess. I don’t…the boys out here are just rolling with the whole ‘alien’ thing, but the folks at home might not be so understanding. I don’t want to create an, uh, intergalactic incident.” And there was also…he had a nasty feeling about how fast ‘help’ could turn into an invasion if this Allfather fellow got wind. More people who knew a secret was more ways for it to get out.

Loki stared at Steve like he’d never seen him before. “You are serious,” he said.

“I’m serious,” Steve confirmed. “Just you is good.” He summoned a smile. Loki blinked, and then the expression that crossed his face was – gratitude. And relief.

“Captain,” he said quietly, and then paused. “Thank you,” he said after a moment, though Steve had the odd feeling he’d been about to say something else.

“You’re welcome,” Steve said. “Hey, it saves me having to deal with my superiors being mad that I brought extraterrestrials into the U.S. Army, right?”

Loki huffed a laugh, eyes dropping and smiling that small, crooked smile. “I told you, we are gods,” he said. “ _Extraterrestrials._ As though everything important comes from your planet, and everything else is other.”

“Well, from our point of view it is,” Steve pointed out. Loki shook his head, but Steve thought he looked more amused than displeased.

* * *

One night Loki turned up snappish and sullen, just on the edge of nasty but not quite tipping over it. That lasted until Bucky called him out on it – “just because you’re some kind of hotshot doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole” were his precise words – and Loki stood up and stalked off.

He came back before too long, though, breathing like he’d just run a mile – for all Steve knew, he might’ve done ten. “May I speak with you, Captain,” he said, voice low but still audible to everyone there. “In private?”

Steve hesitated, trying to scrutinize Loki’s face, but it had gone blank and unreadable. “All right,” he said, standing up. “That’s…fine.”

He could almost feel the curiosity following them as they moved away from the others. Maybe ten feet away Loki stopped, brushing the snow off of a stump and sitting down. Steve glanced back toward the camp. “Is this far enough? If you wanted privacy…”

“They will not hear us,” Loki said, sounding distracted. “I have seen to that.”

“Right,” Steve said, almost rueful. “Magic.”

Loki bobbed his head. Now that they were alone, he seemed reluctant to speak. Steve shifted his feet, rubbing his hands on his arms. Loki twitched his fingers and the air around Steve warmed to a comfortable temperature. “Nice,” he said, appreciatively. Loki made a face.

“A small trick.”

Steve studied him again. “Whatever you wanted to talk about…I’m guessing it has something to do with why you’re in such a piss-poor mood?”

For a second Steve thought Loki would snap at him. He looked like he wanted to. But just for a second, and then he sort of – deflated, looking away. “Rather, yes.”

“Did…something happen?” Steve asked carefully, feeling just a little touch of worry. So soon after their last conversation…had someone found out Loki was here when he wasn’t supposed to be?

“After a fashion,” Loki said. “Or, well-”

He cut off, hands twisting together and eyes flicking toward the horizon. Steve eyed him, not quite cautiously. “Are you all right?”

“Have you ever…hm.” Loki stopped, mouth twitching unhappily. “If…your commander was to make a decision that you disagreed with. What would you do?”

Steve sat back, surprised. “I…guess that would depend on why I disagreed with it.”

“You knew it was unwise,” Loki said without hesitation. “Dangerous, even. Say he…wished to give command of your men over to another you know as reckless, foolhardy.” Loki shifted, his agitation plain.

“I can’t see Phillips doing that,” Steve said slowly. “But if he did…I guess I’d try to talk to him. Explain why it was a bad idea.”

Loki jerked to his feet and started pacing. “He does not _listen._ I have told him, over and over – but all he hears is foolish jealousy; he brushes my words aside like wind.” Loki’s hands clenched. “And now-”

“I guess this isn’t hypothetical,” Steve said carefully. Loki looked at him, and there was something briefly in his expression: hurt and anger and bitterness.

“No,” he said after a moment, looking away. “It is not. My brother…” Loki trailed off. “He is a _fool._ ”

Steve stayed quiet, though he was surprised by the near vitriol in that word. He had the feeling Loki just wanted someone to listen.

“But Odin will not see it. And Thor no longer heeds me at all. And I do not know – he will _ruin_ Asgard, drive her into war for his own arrogance and pride.” Loki made a low, frustrated sound. “And I do not know how to _stop_ it.”

“Wait,” Steve said, caught on something. “Thor is your brother? And Odin…” Not just an alien, Steve thought wildly. Alien royalty.

Loki slashed a hand through the air dismissively. “Yes, he is my father. Though sometimes I think-” Loki cut off, expression spasming. Steve tried to focus.

“So – what’s happening?”

Loki seemed to slump. He dropped back down, loose-limbed, eyes cast away. “The All-Father is crowning Thor. He is all but declaring him king. But Thor is not – he is careless, overproud, foolhardy. He thinks only of his own glory. As a leader – as a _ruler –_ he would bring disaster. And I say this as his _brother._ ”

Steve felt the urge to wince at the harsh assessment. “Maybe your father thinks giving him more responsibility will sober him up,” he said. Loki shook his head.

“It is too great a risk. I have tried to persuade him. I have _tried._ But no word I say seems to penetrate the Allfather’s _thick skull._ ” A flash of temper, though it cooled quickly. “I had hoped…I do not know. You are a…good leader. I thought perhaps…”

Steve felt his eyes widen. “You want _me_ to talk to him?”

Loki barked a laugh. “No! No. He would listen to a _mere mortal_ even less than he listens to me. I suppose I thought you might have some insight.” He scoffed, but Steve could feel his disappointment. “Foolishness.”

Steve took a deep breath and let it out. “I…there’s a lot I don’t know. Obviously. But in that kind of situation…maybe your father just has to see it for himself. Sometimes if people don’t want to believe something, there’s no convincing them.”

Steve expected disappointment, but Loki went very still. “Oh,” he said quietly, as though something had just occurred to him. “Oh…you are right.”

Steve felt a prickle of unease. “Loki?”

“If I cannot tell him,” Loki said, and a faint gleam stole into his eyes that Steve didn’t really like. “I shall have to _show_ him.”

Steve frowned, tensing. “What are you going to do?”

Loki’s smile was almost incongruously boyish, delighted. “What I do best. Play a trick.” Something of Steve’s fear must have shown on his face, because Loki added, “it will not affect you or yours in the slightest.” He stood. “Thank you, Captain Rogers. You have been…most helpful.”

Steve felt another prickle, this time of foreboding. “Loki,” he said abruptly, as he stood and turned. Loki paused, looking back with a slight cant of his head, half smiling.

“Captain, why so concerned? All I intend is a little mischief.”

Steve hesitated, but – he had a bad feeling, somehow, and he knew his instincts were good. “Just…be careful,” he said. “It’s easy for…things to get out of hand.” Loki looked faintly displeased.

“I am no amateur,” he said.

“I know,” Steve said quickly. “But just – if you need help, or if something goes wrong…you can come here. All right?” Loki turned more fully, giving him an odd look. “Just want you to know,” Steve finished lamely.

Loki’s smile faded a little, and after a moment he dipped his chin. “I shall remember that,” he said, more quietly, and vanished.

* * *

“ _Wake up._ ”

Loki’s voice broke into Steve’s thoughts like a scream, and he jerked awake. Bucky was snoring next to him, and Loki was nowhere to be seen – but he’d heard him, loud as if he’d been standing right there. Shouting in Steve’s ear.

 _Outside._ This time, he realized, it wasn’t in his ear. It was in his head. _Don’t do that,_ he started to say, or think, but then he realized the way Loki’s voice sounded even in his head, like it was shaking. If everything was fine, Loki would’ve just appeared, like he usually did. Something was wrong.

Steve shoved out of his bag and threw on a quick layer over his long johns, pulling on his boots and nearly stumbling outside. He didn’t see Loki at first, but then he caught a brief glimpse of a shadow on the snow and headed toward it. Some fresh snow had fallen, and it seemed to crunch especially loudly under his boots.

“Loki?” He called. “What is it, what’s going on?”

Loki turned. He was breathing in ragged gasps and his eyes were wild, expression almost feral. For a moment Steve’s instincts screamed _run!_ but the moment passed and it was just Loki, looking like he was just barely holding back panic.

“It’s all ruined,” he said, sounding nearly breathless. “It’s all gone wrong, Captain, Steve. Everything is – everything is wrong. I thought – I didn’t mean-”

“Loki,” Steve said, fear rising up in his chest. “Can you calm down? I don’t understand, what’s happening? Are you hurt?”

Loki shook his head so violently Steve thought he would jar his neck. “No, I am not – I am not. They touched Fandral and it burned but I-” He made a sort of strangled choking sound, and then doubled over and retched. By the thin bile that was all that came up, Steve guessed it wasn’t the first time. He lurched over and put a hand on Loki’s back, half instinctive, though it was too late to pull his hair back. Loki spat and made a sort of moaning noise.

“Hey,” Steve said, trying to keep his voice calm and reasonable. “Don’t try to talk. Just for a second. Just…”

“I cannot,” Loki said. Steve could feel him shaking, minutely. “You do not understand. They will kill me. And Thor – _Thor-_ ”

Steve remembered where he had left Loki, the vague allusions Loki had made to planning something. Planning something to stop his brother from being crowned. He nearly gulped. “Is he…did he…”

“Banished,” Loki said, and shuddered. “The All-father – it wasn’t meant to go this far. We were never supposed to reach Jotunheim, we certainly weren’t supposed to start a _war-_ ”

 _What did you do,_ Steve thought, alarmed, but he left his hand where it was on Loki’s back, made himself rub up and down, trying to soothe. “Hey,” he said. “Hey. It’s all right.”

“No,” Loki said. “No it isn’t. _Nothing_ is.” He pulled away from Steve’s hand, stumbling back. His hands opened and closed spasmodically at his sides. “It’s my fault. I just wanted to – but it’s _my_ fault-

 _Banished. Weren’t supposed to start a war._ “Can you please slow down,” Steve almost begged. Loki swayed, but something seemed to go out of him. Energy, maybe. Or fight.

“I meant to show Odin how reckless Thor was, how unready,” he said, voice dull. “I…deceived some frost giants into attacking. During the coronation. It worked, the All-Father was angry – but it wasn’t enough. I was going to…convince Thor to disobey an order of the All-Father. To take revenge on Jotunheim. But the guards would stop us first, and…” Loki trailed off, horror dawning on his face. “Guards _died_ in the vault.”

Steve felt his stomach lurch. It was – like a child’s prank, but horribly real. Horribly _dangerous._ “What…went wrong,” he asked, suddenly not sure he wanted to know. Loki looked down at his hands. They looked bloody, Steve realized, like Loki had ripped them up on something.

“Nothing,” he said. “Everything went…as planned. But the guard didn’t catch us, and Thor lost his temper. There was a fight. The All-Father saved us, but he and Thor quarreled and he…” Loki made a sort of hiccupping noise. “He stripped Thor of his power. Made him mortal. And cast him out. I do not…I do not know where he is now.” A slight pause. “I have not looked.”

“But he’s still alive,” Steve checked. Loki nodded jerkily. “Is…is it permanent?”

“No,” Loki said after a moment. “He has to – prove his worth. Somehow. I do not know what that means.” His voice was dull. Steve took a deep breath.

“And…and is there a war? Between Asgard and…Jotunheim?” He’d never heard that name before. _Frost giants,_ Loki had said. Was that who lived there?

“I do not know. I ran. Here. The moment I…”

Something didn’t make sense. That all explained why Loki was upset, but it didn’t explain why he was _afraid._ “The moment you what?”

Loki’s body spasmed. He rocked forward, slightly. “I am not what they said I am,” he said, voice soft and shaking. “ _A son of Odin._ They lied, with every breath they lied-”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asked, confused. Loki raised his eyes and looked at Steve, and then his skin seemed to – ripple.

And change. It was hard to tell in the moonlight, but it wasn’t pale anymore – something darker, but not brown. Based on the reflected moonlight off the snow – blue, he thought. Loki’s eyes, though – that was easy. Red, bright red. He stared at Steve, hands opening and closing, looking like he expected Steve to understand.

No, looking like he expected Steve to hurt him. _Hit_ him.

“I’m sorry,” he said slowly. Carefully, because he could sense that he was on thin ice. The wrong words – he wasn’t sure what the worse prospect was, driving Loki away forever or pushing him over the wrong edge. “I still don’t understand.”

“ _Look_ at me.” The loathing, the _disgust_ in Loki’s voice was almost violent.

“I am,” Steve said. Calm, calm. “I’m guessing…this means you’re not from Asgard?”

“No,” Loki said, almost spat. “I am – I am one of _them._ A _frost giant,_ the _monster_ from a thousand Aesir tales-”

 _Oh,_ Steve thought, as Loki’s voice broke. This wasn’t just _I didn’t realize I was adopted._ This was – _I am the enemy._ Steve shook his head slowly. “You don’t seem very monstrous to me.”

“I have always been wrong,” Loki said, not seeming to hear him. “I have never – fit. And now I know why, now I know why Odin could never favor me, because he knew, he _always_ knew, and a wolf cub is one thing but a grown one is too dangerous to live-” Loki made a sound like he wanted to retch again, and Steve reached for him without thinking, grabbing his arm.

“Hey,” he said, “steady,” at the same time as Loki jerked in alarm.

“Don’t touch,” he started to say, and then fell still. Steve could feel the cold radiating through Loki’s shirt, and it was – like holding an icicle, not exactly comfortable. But Loki seemed to expect something else, based on the way he stared at his arm and then at Steve.

“Whatever this means to you,” Steve said, while he had Loki’s attention apparently distracted from his spiral, “it doesn’t mean much to me. I mean, far as I’m concerned aliens are aliens.” He made himself shrug, and tried to smile. “And you – _really_ don’t look like a monster.” He paused, and added hopefully, “everyone knows monsters are _green._ ”

Loki made a sound that might have been trying to be a laugh. “Touching me,” he said. “It doesn’t…hurt you?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I might not want to give you a hug right now,” Steve said, “but…no?” Loki blinked red eyes at him. Close up, he could see the way the color varied, the slightly different shape of his pupils. Strange, and a little eerie, but Steve didn’t let himself glance away even a little.

Loki made a small noise, his eyes closing, but his breathing wasn’t quite as quick.

“I was relieved,” he said after a long silence. “When Thor was…banished. A part of me. I was afraid…if he finds out. He would kill me.”

Steve jerked at the sad, heavy finality in Loki’s tone. Like he was certain. “You – _really_?”

“Thor hates the jotnar with a ferocity equaled by few,” Loki said. “He said it once, when we were young. That fath – the Allfather should not have left any alive. That he would amend it, when he was king.” Loki swayed, and Steve moved to support him without thinking.

“If he’s your brother,” Steve began.

“But he isn’t,” Loki said, with a hoarse laugh. “And that will – make it worse. That all these years he has shared bread and friendship with a – a _creature_ little better than a beast. His anger…”

“Won’t your father-”

“He is not my father,” Loki said, voice vehement. “I was a discarded toy that he picked up to show his mercy. Perhaps he loved me once. But now-” Loki broke off. “I do not know what to do.”

“Loki,” Steve began, but stopped.

“I cannot go back.” There was a heavy finality in Loki’s voice. “I should have left – years ago. I considered it before, but always Thor convinced me to stay.” He took a ragged breath. “I came to…”

“Stay here,” Steve said. Blurted, really. Loki turned his head and stared at him, and Steve looked down. “I mean. If you wanted to.”

Loki shook his head, slowly. His skin faded back to its more usual hue, and Steve let go of his arm quickly, hoping that the way he worked feeling back into his nearly numb fingers went unnoticed. “You do not mean that,” he said. Steve felt almost stung.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. The fellas have gotten pretty used to having you around. I mean – it might be a little complicated. We’d have to bring Colonel Phillips in on it – and Howard, probably. Peggy already knows, but you could actually meet and…” Steve trailed off. “But – only if you _want._ It’s just. It could be an option.”

Loki looked like he was wavering. “I am not human.”

“Some folks would argue that I’m not either,” Steve said, which he knew was weak, but even as some part of his brain said _stupid idea,_ another part of him had a feeling that if Loki left now, Steve would never see him again.

He didn’t want that.

“You know it’s not the same,” Loki said quietly. Steve shook his head.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said, stubbornly. “Even if…even if it’s just for a while. Maybe things will calm down. Maybe…maybe this banishment will cool off Thor’s head, and he’ll…”

“I do not know.” Loki’s voice was heavy. “You do not…know the stubbornness of my brother.”

 _If he’d really kill you for being adopted from another species I’m not sure I want to,_ Steve thought, but he wasn’t about to say that. “Either way,” Steve said. “You could…I don’t know. We could figure out something.”

Loki looked at him, sidelong. “Maybe,” he said. “While this war lasts. It is easier to blend in, during chaos. But after?”

After…Steve didn’t let himself think about that much. Felt like he couldn’t assume there would be one. But for just a second, he let himself think about him and Bucky and Loki going back to New York. Taking Loki around Brooklyn, to Manhattan maybe. Doing tourist stuff.

“We could figure that out too,” Steve said. Loki hesitated, and Steve made himself stay quiet. Knew Loki needed to make this choice on his own, no matter how much he wanted to make it for him.

“Steve,” Loki said, and something in his voice melted the tension in Steve’s shoulder. He exhaled in relief even before he said, “I shall stay with you.”

He looked so tired. So _unhappy._ But Steve wasn’t sure if he would welcome a hug, and he couldn’t say _it’s going to be all right_ because even with what little he understood of what had happened, it didn’t sound like it was the kind of thing it’d be easy to fix.

“Wanna come back where it’s warm?” Steve said. He was starting to shiver. Loki glanced at him and made that small gesture that cocooned Steve in warm air.

“For your sake, at least,” Loki said. Steve reached out, just to put a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re going to be all right,” he said.

“Perhaps,” Loki said.

“Trust me,” Steve said, pulling up a smile from somewhere. “I’m Captain America.”

Loki chuffed, a very quiet laugh but it was still a laugh, and Steve could feel all right about that.

He left his hand on Loki’s shoulder, just in case it helped, even just a little.

* * *

Loki joined the Commandos officially with fairly little fanfare. “Loki’s going to be staying with us for a bit,” Steve said, and aside from a few curious glances, nobody asked why. Which was good, because Loki…didn’t seem like he was doing great. He was distant, distracted. He spoke sparingly and with a near constant cloak of melancholy.

“Is Loki all right?” Bucky asked Steve in a low voice, Loki safely out of earshot. “He hasn’t been half as much of an asshole as usual.”

“He’s…” Steve wondered how much he could say to Bucky. “He didn’t leave home under the best circumstances,” he said finally, and left it at that. Bucky frowned a little.

“In some kind of hot water with the other aliens?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Steve said, watching Loki’s back. “Something like that.”

“Huh,” Bucky said, and then sped up. “Hey, Loki!”

Loki glanced back, plainly startled, and Bucky caught up to him and started talking. He shot a brief grin over his shoulder at Steve, who smiled back, watching the way Loki’s head turned, listening to Bucky talk like he was actually paying attention.

That could only be a good thing.

Of course, that evening they rendezvoused with Colonel Phillips. “Keep your head down,” he told Loki. “And let me handle this. It’ll be fine, but just…until we’re in the clear…”

“I would not have you risk yourself,” Loki said, eyes narrowing, but Steve shook his head.

“If nothing else Phillips needs me and the Commandos,” he said, “and he’s a good man. I respect him, and I trust him. It’ll be fine.”

Loki looked unconvinced, but Dum Dum appeared asking if he wanted to play a round of cards and Loki let himself be pulled away. Steve gave his friend a grateful look before squaring his shoulders and heading toward where he knew Phillips would be.

It wasn’t…as bad as he’d feared.

“Are you out of your _mind,_ Rogers?”

Steve kept his face steady and his back straight. “All due respect, no, sir.”

“You _sure?_ Because this sounds like insanity to me. A guy shows up claiming to be a – what, a _magic alien_ and you not only let him tag along with you, you invite him to _stay?_ What if it was a Hydra spy, a German spy, even just – some random lunatic-”

“He wasn’t,” Steve broke in. “We considered all of those, sir, but it was abundantly clear that he’s…not normal. And has abilities like nothing I’ve seen. He’s been – a help, plenty of times. Seems to me – Hydra’s using weapons that seem out of this world, more advanced than German science should be. Why shouldn’t we take the same advantage?”

Phillips stared at him. “Are you saying Hydra’s weaponry comes from outer space,” he said, too flat to be incredulous. Steve shrugged.

“That’s the point. We don’t know _where_ it comes from or how they made it. Maybe there’s a lot we don’t know. Whether Loki is what he says he is or not – he’s strong, and powerful, and willing to work with the Commandos. I think it’d be stupid to turn him away.”

Phillips’ eyes narrowed. “Rogers, are you calling me stupid?”

“No, sir,” Steve said, straight-faced. “I’m saying it’d be stupid _if_ you ignored an opportunity like we have here.”

Phillips looked at him for a long time and then sighed. “If I tell you no you’re just going to ignore me and do it anyway,” he said, sounding more resigned than anything. Steve carefully didn’t respond to that, and Phillips shook his head with a sigh.

“Fine,” he said grudgingly. “But I’m not telling the top brass that you’ve adopted…whatever this fellow is. That’s for you to explain. And you’re going to introduce him to me face to face.”

Steve tried not to wince. That sounded like it could be dangerous. “Yes, sir,” he said quickly. “Of course. I’ll get him in here as soon as possible.”

He hustled out before Phillips could change his mind and headed back in the general direction where he’d left Loki.

Dum Dum hustled up before he found him, looking vaguely alarmed. “Carter came over while you were gone,” he said. “She went right for Loki and they sized each other up like a coupla dogs just itching for a fight.”

Steve felt a spike of alarm go through him. “Where’d they go?”

“That way,” Dum Dum said, and Steve charged off in the direction he was pointing without hesitation. He caught Peggy’s voice and veered right, catching a glimpse of the two of them standing face to face.

They both turned to look at him as he skidded up, almost identical expressions on their faces of faint surprise mingled with amusement. “Steve,” Peggy said, almost on top of Loki’s, “Rogers?”

Loki looked back and forth between them. “Hi,” he said. Loki’s shoulders looked relaxed, and Peggy didn’t seem to have thrown any punches. “I was just gonna…make sure you’d met each other.”

The amusement in Loki’s expression grew. “You wished to make sure Agent Carter had not beaten me to a pulp? Or perhaps that I had not hexed her into something awful?”

Steve felt his face flush. “I wasn’t worried,” he lied. Peggy’s eyebrows quirked.

“You’re an abysmal liar,” she said. Loki’s lips twitched like he was trying not to laugh.

“It is not an unfair assumption,” Loki said. “From what the Captain has said of you, I had gathered you were a formidable woman.” He looked at Peggy, lips curling slightly. “Though he did not make so much mention of your fair features and graceful dignity.”

Steve felt his face heat up more. Peggy looked amused, but mostly just stared at Loki until he made a face. “Too much?”

“A little,” Peggy said dryly.

“My apologies.” Loki sounded honestly regretful. “Perhaps the Captain was not so wrong to fear I would make an enemy of you in spite of my charming nature.”

Peggy shook her head a little. “That’s one word,” she said, and then looked at Steve. “So this is Loki.”

“Yep,” Steve said, his face still feeling hot. “He’s…”

“Going to be joining you, I heard,” Peggy said. She looked toward Loki. “I’m watching.”

Loki sketched a graceful bow. “I do not doubt it.” He glanced between them, and smiled faintly. “I suspect you have matters to discuss. Allow me to make myself scarce.” Steve watched him saunter off before turning back to Peggy.

“He’s slippery,” she said, before Steve could ask. “Doesn’t like giving straight answers much, and he’s got all of Howard’s charm and twice the subtlety.” She frowned. “But I don’t think he’ll do anything to hurt you. Not intentionally.”

Steve shifted. “I know you told me to be wary. And careful.”

“And you invited him home with you, so to speak,” Peggy said. “Very careful, Steve.”

He tried not to wince. It was harder with her than with Phillips. “I know. But…” He trailed off, not sure what he could say that wouldn’t sound…incredibly stupid.

“But you see a stray and you have to adopt him?” Peggy said, but she didn’t sound like she was scolding him.

“Loki’s not a stray,” Steve protested.

“I think I’d disagree,” Peggy said. Steve felt his temper flare up a little.

“What would _you’ve_ done?”

“I don’t know,” Peggy said. She sounded honest. “But probably the same thing you did. You have good instincts, Steve. And he’s fond of you.”

Steve blinked a little, and shook his head slightly. “He thinks I’m interesting,” he corrected, not sure why the distinction seemed important. Peggy gave him an odd look.

“Not just that,” she said. “That’s something, fine. But just _interesting_ is a reason to watch someone every once in a while.” Her lips twitched. “And he’s definitely watching you more than that.”

Steve shifted a little uncomfortably. “So you don’t think it’s a terrible idea?”

“I don’t know that I’d go that far,” Peggy said, but with a little bit of a smile. “But it might not be your worst one.”

Steve grimaced. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I think.”

“You’re doing fine so far. For the most part.” Peggy smiled at him and Steve’s stomach did a little flip. “And he doesn’t seem so bad, really.”

Steve fidgeted a little again. “He’s all right,” he said, not sure why his face felt so hot.

“Glad to hear it,” Peggy said, sounding, to Steve’s ears, inordinately amused.

* * *

It turned out that Loki could be polite and respectful when he put in an effort; the introduction to Phillips went fine, and the Commandos were on the march again that afternoon with Loki in tow. Hydra’s top scientist had been located getting on a train through the mountains. They were going to intercept him.

They bivouacked near a river, and Loki almost immediately took off. “Where are you going?” Bucky asked.

“To wash,” Loki said, sounding a little peevish. “I feel absolutely filthy.”

“It’s _freezing,_ ” said Gabe, incredulous, and Loki gave him an odd look, nostrils flaring like he was about to say something cutting.

“I assure you I have been in colder than this and survived,” he said flatly, after a moment, and swept away. Bucky shook his head.

“Totally nuts,” he said, but Steve thought it sounded almost admiring.

“I can understand the desire,” Jim muttered. “And I’d push some of you suckers in if I didn’t think you’d kill me.” There was some good-natured protesting at that. Steve caught himself looking down toward the water where Loki had vanished behind a copse of trees and made himself focus on setting up camp instead.

Loki returned perhaps ten minutes later wearing underthings and nothing else, his clothing slung over his arm. It was the first time, Steve realized, that he’d seen Loki anything less than fully clothed. He was, unsurprisingly, very pale – and equally unsurprisingly, had – well-defined musculature, lean but wiry. Steve realized he was staring and jerked his eyes away, clearing his throat. Someone whistled, teasing.

“Feel free to admire,” Loki said, without any apparent self-consciousness whatsoever. “I most certainly do not mind.”

That resulted in a brief, awkward silence before somebody laughed. Loki laid out his clothes, which Steve saw were wet when he made the mistake of glancing in Loki’s direction.

Loki winked at him. Just the briefest flicker of his eyelid, and a slight smile, but Steve felt his face warm up fast. He looked – god. Well.

He stretched, arms up over his head lengthening his torso, not shivering at all. Steve tried not to look and hoped it wasn’t obvious that he wasn’t looking, or that he was trying not to. He hoped his face wasn’t bright red. “The lot of you,” he said, “stink abominably.”

“Most of us aren’t Norse aliens,” Dum Dum muttered. Loki flashed a grin that was maybe just a little too sharp. “It’s a little cold out for us human folks.”

“If I were Norse, I would not be an alien,” Loki said airily, laying out his coat on the ground and settling down on it, apparently casual. Steve could see the way his shoulder-blades moved in his back under the skin, and he was looking again. Someone was going to _notice._

He stood up, hastily. “Latrine,” he mumbled, and hurried off in the general direction of the ditch. He veered off about halfway there, pulling himself under control. Or trying. He paced back and forth until his head felt a little clearer.

 _It’s just aesthetics,_ he told himself. _Guy’s built well, you notice. That’s all._ He breathed out in a white cloud, long and slowly. _It’s fine. Normal._

He heard footsteps behind him and turned, somehow already knowing who would be there. It was Loki, though thankfully he was clothed again.

“You left awfully swiftly, Captain,” he said, lips twisted up toward a half smile. “Are you well?”

“Yeah,” Steve said quickly, one hand rising toward the back of his neck. He pulled it down and summoned a smile. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Truly?” Loki cocked his head to the side. “You looked a little…feverish. And I do not believe this is the direction to the latrines.”

Steve swallowed. What was Loki playing at? What did he know, or think he knew, or… “Just…taking a walk.”

“In the snow?” Loki’s tone was teasing, light. Steve shook his head.

“Sometimes just need to…get out a little. You know.”

“Ah, yes,” Loki said, smile twisting up a little further. “I know.” He moved toward Steve, stride loose and casual. Easy. Steve swallowed again, stomach fluttering a little, he wasn’t quite sure with what. “I noticed you looking,” he said. So _casually._ Steve’s face felt like it was burning and he looked down.

“I’m – uh. Sorry. It’s not – I don’t-”

“Do I sound as though I am offended?” Loki sounded, actually, amused. “I meant what I said. From you especially.” _Feel free to admire. I most certainly do not mind._ Steve felt over-warm even though he was standing out in the snow. He didn’t quite dare to look at Loki’s face, clearing his throat loudly.

“What’re you…” He trailed off. “I was just…it’s not that I think. That you’d…or even that _I’d…_ ”

“You think so much about what others need,” Loki said, his voice little above a murmur. He was standing very close, Steve realized, and when he reached out, fingers resting on Steve’s jaw just above his pulse, his cool touch made Steve almost jump. “What about what you want?”

Steve thoughts felt jumbled, confused. _Oh,_ he thought distantly, _so_ that’s _what Peggy was talking about._ “I –” He swallowed. “Uh. I don’t…” He trailed off. The way Loki was looking at him made something clench in his stomach, even as it made warmth unfurl lower down. He felt transfixed, frozen. Loki’s head cocked a fraction to the side.

“Don’t what?” He asked. There was a note in his voice that made Steve’s pulse pound. His fingers shifted, lifting Steve’s chin just slightly; Steve realized he’d stopped breathing and inhaled with a noise like a gasp. “Captain,” Loki said, voice low enough it seemed to vibrate through Steve’s body. “Steve.”

If he’d thought about Loki kissing him – he hadn’t, Steve thought frantically, as if someone was listening to his thoughts – he would have expected him to be demanding, almost rough. As ferocious as he could be in battle. But when Loki kissed him now-

His lips were surprisingly soft, and he was gentle. Lips just pressed to Steve’s and Steve felt himself lean into it, lips parting at the very light brush of Loki’s tongue. His whole body felt warm and his hands fumbled out without thinking, half steadying himself on Loki, his tongue tracing Steve’s lips and then withdrawing.

Someone laughed and Steve jolted, yanking his hands away and jerking back. “No,” he said, tongue still feeling tangled. “Wait-”

Loki jerked and his eyes, half closed, flew open. He took a step back, expressions flashing across his face: hurt and then anger and then something that was both disappointed and resigned. “Forgive me,” he said, looking away, and Steve could see that he was about to leave. He reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Wait,” he said. Loki pulled his hand away, but he didn’t leave either, eyes still averted. “It’s not that-” Steve swallowed. “It’s not that I don’t – like you, care about you. But I – I _can’t._ ”

Loki’s expression twisted. “No. Of course not.”

“Wait – dammit,” Steve swore. “It’s not like that.”

“Not like what,” Loki said, lips pressing into a line. “Like the fact that your war comes first? Your friends come first?”

“That’s not-”

“I really should be used to it by now,” Loki said, his voice flat. “I should have known.”

“God _dammit,_ Loki, would you just give me a minute to _talk!”_ Steve almost yelled, and Loki fell still and looked at him. Steve took a deep breath. “You’re – you’re right. The war does come first, but it’s not that – I want. Okay?” He could feel his face flaring up. “I _do._ But – here, on this planet, it would be – if anyone found out, it would be a problem. I’d get court-martialed, probably, or – people get _killed,_ for being…like that.”

“Damn them,” Loki said. “I can protect you. And if your friends have any worth at all, they will as well.”

Steve shook his head. “It doesn’t – it’s not that easy. I can’t just live for myself. I’m – _Captain America._ ”

Loki’s head jerked to the side. “You are making excuses. Do not _lie_ to me, Captain.”

“I’m not,” Steve said, taking a step toward him. “But that’s not – that’s not all. It’s…” He closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I’m going to survive this.”

Steve saw the brief flash of panic through Loki’s eyes. “Of course you will,” he said. “I will ensure it.”

“You can’t…” Steve took a deep breath in and let it out. “You can’t promise that, Loki. It’s a war. People…people die.” _I could die._ “Nothing’s safe. I don’t want…to do that. To you. I don’t want to start something when I might…go away.”

“Isn’t that all the more reason to seize some small happiness while you have the chance?” Loki asked. There was a plea in his voice that made Steve’s chest hurt. Steve shook his head, wordless. “I will not let you die,” Loki said, his voice rising, sharpening. “I will _not._ I swear it-”

“Don’t,” Steve said, reaching out only to drop his hand, feeling vaguely as though he didn’t have the right. “Don’t…try to make that promise.”

Loki looked away. Steve could feel the pain radiating off him and hated it, hated that he was the one who put it there. Gradually, it seemed to ebb away. Loki’s shoulders slumped. “I cannot change your mind,” he said softly.

“No,” Steve said.

“And what if…” Loki paused. “What if you should survive? This war will end. When it is over, if you live. Then…?”

Steve tried to imagine that. Being done. Being able to go back to New York, back to Brooklyn. He could show Loki everything – the bridge, Coney Island, the Empire State Building. It would have to be secret, still. Did he want that?

Did he want Loki?

“Yeah,” Steve said, finally. “If we both get out of this alive…then. Yes.”

Loki’s smile was small and crooked, and a little sad. “Then I can wait,” he said softly, and turned and slipped out.

* * *

Everything started out fine and went to shit fast.

Steve put Loki, Dum Dum, Jacques and Jim on finding and securing Armin Zola. He, Bucky, and the others were the distraction, and meant to commandeer the train if possible.

They’d done everything right. They’d been _ready._ The intel was good.

Bucky still fell. Steve’s fingertips inches away watching his best and oldest friend plummet into the snow.

Steve felt like he just – stopped. He knew he was crying, and there was a ringing in his ears he couldn’t shake, but Gabe had to say his name twice to get his attention, and then had to pull him up back onto the car. “Rogers,” he said, and then stopped, and just patted Steve awkwardly on the back. Steve made himself nod, but he was numb.

“Did we get,” he asked, not sure if he’d be able to keep going if they’d failed.

“Yes,” Jacques said. “We got Zola.”

Steve closed his eyes, just for a second, and nodded.

They rode the train to the rendezvous point. Steve sat down in the car and tried to figure out what he could’ve done differently, going over and over those few moments in his head. When the others came back and found them in the tiny, apparently abandoned village, Steve lagged behind, not wanting to be the one to break the news.

Based on the somber faces that greeted him, though, everyone already knew.

Steve only had eyes for one of them, though. Loki, standing a little apart, his head turned away. The numbness went away. “Where were you,” he demanded. Loki’s eyes jerked to him.

“Are you…I was seeing to the prisoner,” he said, sounding hesitant.

“You could’ve saved him,” Steve said. He knew he was being unfair but he couldn’t help but think it anyway.

Loki’s brow crinkled. “You said…”

“Get him back,” Steve said. He knew his eyes were wild and couldn’t care. Couldn’t think about anything but that inch, not quite close enough, not quite- “Now. Use your magic, whatever, I don’t care.”

Loki’s eyes were wide, confused. “What are you-”

“Bucky,” Steve said, half sob and half snarl. “Get him _back._ ”

Loki shook his head slowly. “I do not understand-”

“We took you in,” Steve interrupted, something driving him like he was possessed. “Are you telling me you can’t do it? You’re supposed to be so powerful – so _do_ something.”

Loki’s eyes flicked away. “Cap,” someone said, but Steve barely heard it.

“If Barnes is…I cannot resurrect the dead,” Loki said. His voice was almost soft. “Captain, I am-”

“Then what are you good for?” Steve snapped. Something flashed across Loki’s face, for just a moment, that made Steve jerk back, realizing what he’d said: it was raw fury, huge and intense. Then it was gone and Loki’s expression just went – blank.

“Perhaps nothing,” he said curtly, and then vanished.

The anger went with him, and Steve felt suddenly sick. That wasn’t what he’d meant to do. He hadn’t meant to-

(I cannot resurrect the dead.)

Something in Steve’s chest crumbled, and he just felt hollow.

* * *

Peggy left, and Steve started working on cleaning up the detritus of his attempt at numbness. She was right, of course. She almost always was.

Bucky wouldn’t want him to do this. And if he couldn’t…at least he could honor Bucky’s memory.

His thoughts turned reluctantly to Loki. He wondered if he would come back at all, or if Steve’s outburst had driven him away for good. Some part of him callously thought _to where,_ like Loki would _have_ to come back since they were his only option _,_ but Loki was smart. He’d figure it out. And maybe that was for the best; there were too many people already for Steve to take care of. (That he couldn’t take care of.)

He paused in cleaning and bowed his head, trying to remember the words to pray. A quiet footstep interrupted him, and Steve turned to see Loki standing in the doorway. His clothes looked stiff with ice and coated in snow, though there was no flush of cold on his cheeks – or anything on his face at all, stiff and pale as a mask. Steve tried not to wince.

“Loki,” he began, intending an apology, but Loki interrupted.

“I looked for his body, but I could not find it,” Loki said, his voice toneless. “I am sorry. I did find-” He gestured and something metal dropped onto the table. Steve picked it up with clumsy fingers, looking at the dog tags stamped BARNES, JAMES BUCHANAN. He swallowed hard, his throat closing as he closed his fingers over the tags.

“Thank you,” he said. _No body,_ some wild corner of his mind thought. _Does that mean-_ but he knew it was far more likely that the avalanche and falling snow had buried him.

Loki nodded, the movement small and tight, and turned away. “Wait,” Steve said, without quite knowing what he meant to say. Thinking, though, of Loki combing the ravine, searching. “Are you…you look frozen.”

Loki shrugged one shoulder. “I do not feel cold as you do.”

“Still. Can you…you could sit down. If you want. I think there’s still some alcohol somewhere around here.”

Loki’s eyes swept the debris without interest. “It would have no effect on me, and I do not particularly enjoy the taste.” Steve sat down, rubbing his eyes.

“Loki…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…I wasn’t thinking.”

“Truths are often spoken in such moments,” Loki said. He sounded oddly distant. Steve sighed.

“The only truth there was that I was…angry. And helpless.” He felt his hands clench and made them open. “It’s not your fault.”

“You still wish I could do more.” The way Loki looked at him was strange, dispassionate.

“I wish – _I_ could’ve done more.” Steve put his face in his hands. “I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.”

After a long moment, Loki sat down across from him. “Do you wish it had been me,” he said softly. Steve jerked as he understood, looking at Loki in a mixture of horror and confusion.

“What? I don’t…”

Loki’s expression was still that strange, faraway look, like he was seeing something other than Steve. “Do you wish I had fallen?”

“No,” Steve said, almost harsh. “I don’t – what kind of question is that?”

Loki shook his head, and his eyes focused, slowly. “If I could, I would bring him back for you. Whatever the cost. He deserves…deserved more.”

Another sob caught in Steve’s throat and he choked it down. “Yeah,” he managed. Loki twitched, like he wanted to reach out and smothered the impulse. A part of Steve wanted to ask _there’s nothing, you’re sure, there’s nothing,_ but he could see the lost look in Loki’s eyes, the defeated slump of his shoulders.

“Captain…” Loki trailed off. “Steve. If there is aught I can offer as comfort…I would give it.”

For a wild moment, Steve thought about taking Loki up on the suspended offer, of mashing their lips together and more than that; of grabbing Loki tight and seeing how far they’d go, how fast Steve could lose the sick weight of grief, at least for a while. The urge vanished quickly, though: he didn’t really want it, and it would be…more than unfair to Loki. “Thanks,” he mumbled. Loki nodded, and then shifted like he was about to stand.

“Wait,” Steve burst out. “Can you just…” He swallowed. “Sit with me. That’s all.”

“Of course,” Loki said. After a moment he stood and moved around the table, sitting next to Steve, not quite shoulder to shoulder. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into him, just a little. “You loved him,” Loki said at length.

“I did,” Steve said. Loki’s shoulder felt solid, strong. “I’m sorry,” he said after a moment, obscure guilt rising up in him.

“For what,” Loki said quietly. He turned his head, pressed a light, chaste kiss to Steve’s temple. “I am not going to break on the rocks of your grief.”

Steve closed his eyes. “I hurt you earlier. I don’t want to do that again.”

“You are not hurting me now.” Steve wanted to wince, even knowing he’d been right, at the fact that Loki didn’t deny that Steve had. He slumped.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said again. “You’re here because you can’t go home, and all I’ve done is…turn you down and blame you for what’s my fault.”

“It isn’t your fault,” Loki said. “And that’s not all you’ve done. You gave me a place.”

“Some place,” Steve mumbled. “Stuck in the middle of a war. I couldn’t keep Bucky safe. Maybe you should…”

“Do not,” Loki said, his voice a little sharp. “Do not tell me to go. I would rather be here than…anywhere else.”

Steve felt a pang, but he cleared his throat. “I’m…glad you didn’t leave,” he said.

“You cannot drive me away so easily,” Loki said.

Steve felt his shoulders slide down with some small, selfish relief. Loki shifted, and one of his hands rose to Steve’s back, resting lightly between his shoulder blades.

“I meant it,” he said after a moment of silence. “You can scream if you need to. Or weep. I can bear it.”

Steve gave up. He turned his face into Loki’s shoulder and cried until his chest ached. Loki’s hand was a grounding weight on his back, and at some point he started humming something wordless that – didn’t soothe, exactly. But it dulled the pain, just a little. Maybe enough that tomorrow he could keep going on.

He made himself a promise, though. If nothing else, he wanted Loki to survive this. He’d survive and one day he’d be able to go home. Whatever happened to himself – he wanted that to be true.

* * *

Of course, Loki didn’t really listen to what other people wanted.

He hadn’t been on the plane at all. Steve knew what he had to do, was ready to do it – and then Loki was there, out of nowhere. His eyes were wild and he glanced only briefly at the hole in the floor where the Tesseract had burned through.

“Carter said you were crashing the plane,” he said, the words coming out in a rush. “Set your course and I can take us away from here before it hits.”

Steve closed his eyes. “Loki, you need to go.”

He heard Loki hiss. “No, _we_ need to go.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Steve said. “I can’t just…tell the plane to go down. Someone has to put it there.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t have time to argue-”

“Then let me,” Loki interrupted. “I will send you back, I am far more capable of surviving a crash than you are.”

“You don’t know how to fly this thing,” Steve said. His hands were shaking. “Right?”

“It cannot be that difficult,” Loki said. “Captain, look at me-”

Steve turned his head, made himself look at Loki. His face looked stricken, terrified. Everything Steve felt. “I can’t risk it,” Steve said. “I can’t. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but you’ve never flown a human plane before and…”

“I could just do it,” Loki said, almost snarled. “Just send you back, and it would be too late for you to protest-”

“Don’t,” Steve interrupted. “Loki…” He trailed off. Several expressions flickered across Loki’s face. Pain and rage and resignation and resolve.

“Fine,” Loki said at last, his voice quiet but certain. He strode to the cockpit and wedged himself in next to Steve. “Then I will stay with you.”

Steve’s stomach dropped. “No,” he said roughly. “No, I told you, get out-”

“I am not leaving,” Loki said. His expression was set. “Perhaps I will be able to get us both out. If I am quick.”

“And what if you can’t,” Steve said. His vision blurred. “I don’t want-”

“You are running low on time, Captain,” Loki said softly. “Do you want to waste it arguing?” He reached out, wrapping his fingers around Steve’s wrist on the controls. “I am very stubborn.”

“I don’t want this,” Steve said.

“I do not want you to die alone,” Loki said.

“Steve.” Peggy’s voice through the radio. He’d almost forgotten she was listening, and jerked with the reminder, some part of him still embarrassed. “I…You’re closing in on the coastline fast.”

“I know,” Steve said. He took a ragged breath. “I know.”

Loki squeezed his wrist. He took Steve’s chin in his other hand, turned his head and kissed him, very light and very gentle. “Be brave, dear one,” he said, hardly even a whisper.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, not sure if he meant it for Peggy or for Bucky or for Loki. “I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“It is fine,” Loki said. “Think of your home. Of you and Barnes – Bucky. Laughing in the sun. The war is over.” His voice wove a spell, wrapped Steve in something warm, and he could almost see it. The three of them, though, and Peggy.

“You’d be there too,” he said. “And maybe – maybe…” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“Yes,” Loki said softly. His hand on Steve’s wrist pressed down lightly. Steve breathed in as deep as he could and focused on the feeling Loki was giving him. The gift. _I’m sorry,_ he thought. _I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more._

He angled the plane down.

* * *

Deep in the North Atlantic, something clawed its way out of the water and onto the ice.

It stayed huddled there for a moment, coughing up water, retching its way back to breathing. Even once that was achieved, it remained bent double, a black speck on the endless white. It stood, slowly, turning in a circle; looked down at its hands and flinched.

For a moment, it simply stood there.

“Steve,” it said quietly. And then, “ _no,”_ more moan than word.

Loki fell to his knees and _howled._ He pounded a fist into the ice until his knuckles burst and purple blood stained the white and screamed, the sound rising into the sky. A passing albatross wheeled away, but there was nothing else to answer.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve woke up, but he woke up alone, seventy years gone.

There was almost no one left. One by one, he found the dates of most of his friends’ deaths. Peggy was alive – elderly, with grandchildren, married for many years though now her husband was gone as well, but Steve wasn’t ready to see her yet – not like that, not so different from the Peggy he remembered. More proof the world had kept moving and left him behind.

There were memorials, films, comic books, documentaries. Steve realized, going through the few he could stomach, that there was no mention of Loki.

No mention anywhere. He was just…gone. He called Fury – his only contact in this strange new world other than his appointed therapist – and asked if anyone else had been found with him.

“Should there have been someone else?” Fury asked, and Steve got off the phone in a hurry, though the realization left him feeling cold. Him and Bucky were remembered as heroes. Peggy got a full life. Loki had gone down with him, eased those last few moments before the cold, and he got nothing.

Maybe he was still alive out there, Steve told himself. If he’d survived, surely Loki could too. But Howard Stark had apparently trawled the entire goddamn ocean looking for Steve for decades and turned up nothing. Unless maybe there’d been a body and it’d been covered up. That thought just made him feel vaguely ill.

He sat in a café and sketched the last image Loki’d given him: Steve and Bucky and Peggy and Loki. He drew them on the Brooklyn Bridge. Peggy was laughing with her head thrown back and Loki had a smile on his face.

 _Suck it up, Rogers,_ he told himself, staring at what he’d drawn with his eyes burning, and went to see Peggy.

The nurses stared at him with uncomfortable awe that Steve tried to ignore. “How is she?” He asked awkwardly, hands in the pockets of his khakis, and one of them managed to stop gawking and clear her throat.

“Ms. Carter has good days and bad days,” she said, and Steve felt the urge to correct her to _Agent Carter._ “She is almost always lucid, but she has a hard time with forming new memories.” Steve’s stomach clenched but he made himself nod.

“Does she…get lots of visitors?” He asked. _Coward,_ he thought. _You’re just putting off going in._

“A fair amount,” the nurse said. “Her kids visit when they can, but they’re not in town. Her niece comes in three times a week, and the other fellow, what’s his name…” She snapped her fingers. “Something foreign. Maybe Finnish or whatever.” Steve felt a small, odd spark in his chest but didn’t want to say it, in case he was wrong. He waited, but the nurse just shook her head. “It’s gone. I’ve got nothing.”

Steve deflated. It probably wasn’t…could be anyone. “I’ll go in to see her now,” he said, trying not to feel disappointed. Steeling himself for – anything.

Peggy’s face was turned toward the window when he entered. Her brown hair had gone almost entirely grey. “Hello, Ms. Carter,” the nurse said, with what seemed like exaggerated cheer to Steve. “You have a visitor.”

She turned, and her face was crinkled with lines and her hair was grey but she was still Peggy, and it wasn’t as hard as Steve’d thought it would be to smile. “Hello, Peg,” he said. Her eyes widened.

“Steve?” She gasped. “Is that you?”

Steve crossed the room and sat down in the chair by her bed. “Sure is,” he said, eyes burning. “Sorry I’m late.” He reached out and took her hand. Peggy blinked, eyes wet.

“You came back,” she said. “Oh, Steve. You came back.”

Steve gave her hand a gentle squeeze. It felt so bony, the skin loose. “Missed you,” he mumbled, trying to keep his smile. “Heard you were pretty busy, all these years.”

“I’ve been lucky.” Peggy looked at his face, her eyes bright. They looked so clear, and Steve almost had a hard time believing what the nurses said, about her memory going. “So lucky. I made it to see you come home, didn’t I?”

Steve dropped his head, not wanting her to see his eyes getting wet. “Yeah. Yeah, and I’ll be back, all the time. Are you – have they been treating you right, here?”

Peggy smiled fondly at him. “Oh, yes. It’s all ‘Ms. Carter’ this and ‘Ms. Carter’ that, but the staff is very nice.” She shook her head. “You sound just like Loki.”

Steve’s stomach swooped. “What?” He said blankly. Peggy frowned slightly, eyes showing faint signs of confusion, and Steve clarified, “Loki’s – been here?” Steve’s heart started beating faster.

“He didn’t tell you?” Peggy looked more confused. “Not regularly, but every so often…” She smiled, a little faintly. “Tried to fix me, at first, but there’s no fixing some things.”

“When,” Steve said, a little desperately. His mind was whirling. “When was he here?”

“I don’t know…” Peggy sounded like she was drifting. “It’s hard to keep track sometimes.”

“But was it recently?” Steve asked. “Was it-”

Peggy’s gaze looked at him blankly for a moment, and then she broke into a dazzling smile, just the same as he remembered. “Steve,” she said. “You came back!”

His heart sank, but he made himself smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, Peggy, I did.”

* * *

So Loki was alive and on Earth. Or had been on Earth. Or – maybe Peggy had just imagined it? But that didn’t seem likely.

But then…why hadn’t Loki come to find Steve? It was hard to believe he didn’t _know_ Steve was back, but – he felt cold, suddenly, the relief he’d felt fading. Maybe Loki didn’t want to see him. Maybe, like Peggy, Loki had moved on. What was Steve to him, after all? Not much, really, and seventy years was a long time to wait around. It was stupid, really, to assume that he would have, or that Loki would even want to see him.

Still…still. Maybe it was selfish, but Steve wanted to know that he was…all right. Happy. But he doubted that he could just go into a directory and find Loki’s phone number under L. Not that anyone used phone directories anymore, apparently. Which left him pretty much at a dead end.

He knew Loki was alive, Steve told himself. And that he’d been visiting Peggy, at least sometimes. That seemed like a good sign.

Steve sighed to himself. _You’re not getting anywhere,_ he thought, looking down at his bowl of soup, heated up out of a can. _Just let it go. Maybe you’ll run into him visiting Peggy. Or…maybe you won’t. That might just be the way it is. You can live with that, right?_

Well, he might have to.

* * *

Steve saved going back home for last.

Wandering around Manhattan was hard enough, but it was easier in some ways – the city had never been home in the same way Brooklyn was. Steve hadn’t wanted to face how much he knew the borough would’ve changed in seventy years; he could tell just by the way people talked about it that it wasn’t the same place he’d known at all.

He pulled himself together, though, and took the F over, disembarking and pausing on the street to look around, scanning the street corners for something familiar. Of course there was nothing, and he hadn’t really expected there to be, but he still felt a pang.

He started down the street, checking the address in the new, shiny phone he’d been given that he was still working his way around. It seemed to have a lot of fancy and to Steve’s judgment unnecessary bells and whistles, but its navigation system was nice and the address, at least, seemed to still exist. Steve tucked his hands in his pockets, relieved by the relative lack of people and their relative lack of interest in looking too closely at him.

He turned down the street and there it was – same façade, though it had to have been painted recently, refurbished a bit though by the looks of it not much. He could still remember the other tenants, if he tried, probably. Allie Hannigan and her three girls (and one screaming baby), the old black man who’d only gone by Ford…Steve wondered if any of the Hannigans were still around, somewhere – maybe with red-headed grandchildren of their own.

He walked up to the stoop and found the bells for the apartments. There were a few blurry names, but most of them were blank. Steve tried to make out the ink on the labels, but they were beyond reading.

The door opened while he was still trying to puzzle out the name next to 2B, and he turned, startled. The elderly woman standing there looked at him, eyes narrowed. “Half those buzzers don’t work,” she said, just as Steve was about to apologize for intruding. “Who’re you looking for?”

“I’m…” Steve trailed off. “Not sure. I, uh. Used to live here.” He gave her a small smile. “Just dropping by, I guess.”

She looked skeptical. “I don’t recognize you and I’ve lived in this building near forty years. You sure you aren’t one of those real estate folks trying to convince me to move?”

“No ma’am,” Steve said quickly, and then frowned. “You’re being pressured to move out? Why?”

She shook her head in disgust. “Haven’t you heard, young man? Red Hook’s supposed to be the new Crown Heights.” Steve thought _Jewish?_ but somehow he didn’t think that was what she meant.

“Well,” he said. “Not me. Far as I’m concerned if this is where you live this is where you should stay.” She relaxed a little, glowering at him a bit less. Steve had thought of something else, though. Forty years… “Did you…by any chance, did you know any Hannigans who lived in this building?”

The woman gave him a startled look. “Sheila,” she said, and Steve remembered her – the youngest, always trying to tag along with him and Bucky. Steve wouldn’t’ve minded, but her Ma did. “Sure. Passed just two years ago. Lung cancer.” She frowned again. “When’d you say you were living here?”

Steve’s stomach dropped. _Passed._ Even little Sheila Hannigan. “Uh,” he said, caught off guard and not sure how to explain.

“Eleanor,” said a familiar, accented voice. “Is this the gentleman you were mentioning? I told you I would be _happy_ to deal with him.” Steve turned.

Loki looked exactly the same. That was the first thing Steve registered – that he had not changed at all, no signs of age other than a slight weariness around his light eyes. His hair was still a little too long, though now it didn’t look so strange considering some of the cuts Steve’d seen. He wore a green button down, slightly open at the collar, sleeves rolled to the elbows, and a pair of black jeans in the snug style Steve didn’t think he would ever dare to try. Holding a paper bag brimming with groceries. But whatever the changes in clothing and style – his cheekbones, the ironic quirk of his eyebrows, the way he stood, everything else: just the same. Untouched by time.

His eyes met Steve’s and Steve saw the moment of recognition and realization. Watched Loki’s eyes widen and he – took a step back.

 _No,_ Steve thought. “Hi,” he said, and then felt like an idiot. The woman – Eleanor, looked between the two of them.

“He said he used to live here,” Eleanor said. “Do you know him, Stefán?”

Steve blinked at the name. Loki did not look at him. “I do,” he said, after a long pause. “Were you going to fetch groceries? I can-”

“No, no,” Eleanor said, waving him off. She looked at Loki, Steve noted, with a great deal more fondness. “I can manage myself. You talk to your friend. Be a good boy.”

Loki’s lips twitched like he wanted to argue, but she was already walking off, fairly steady on her cane. A weight settled in Steve’s stomach at the way Loki avoided looking at him.

“I can go,” he said quietly, looking down at his feet. “I didn’t expect – I didn’t know you were…”

“No,” Loki said as Steve trailed off. “No...come in. I need to put these away.” He raised the groceries. Steve nodded, a lump in his throat.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, of course.”

Loki slipped inside without fumbling the keys or showing any sign of hesitation, ease born of long familiarity. He climbed two flights of stairs and let himself into one of the apartments on the third floor. Steve realized as he followed that it would be right about where his family had lived, though the rooms were divided differently.

He stepped over the threshold as Loki set down his groceries on the small table and began unloading them. The space looked surprisingly spare, based on what Steve would have expected. There was a small bonsai tree in the window looking out toward the water, and a rich looking blanket thrown over the one chair, but other than that…

“Does it meet with your approval?” Loki’s voice was quiet, and Steve started.

“I – wasn’t judging,” he said quickly. “Just looking.”

Loki went back to storing vegetables in the fridge. Steve shifted. Loki had reacted with surprise, but not that Steve was alive. So he _had_ known. Must have, if he’d…

“How long have you been living here?” He asked.

Loki closed the crisper drawer and straightened. His face was a mask. “Sixty-nine years,” he said. “Give or take a few months.” Steve’s breath caught, but Loki just looked at him without saying anything further, then folded the paper bag and tucked it away in the closet, something in his movements almost jerky, over-deliberate.

“On Earth?” Steve said, feeling stupid.

“I did not want to go back.” Loki paused, his back to Steve. “The war ended. I learned where you had lived, and came back. It seemed someone should take care of what was left.” Loki’s voice sounded dull. Steve thought of the way he’d asked Eleanor: _is this the gentleman you were dealing with?_ and suddenly had some idea of why this building had stayed untouched. He wondered how Loki kept people from noticing that he didn’t age – or maybe they just didn’t ask.

He looked for a chair. “Can I sit down?” _You survived,_ he wanted to say. _I’m glad, I’m glad you survived, I was worried._

“Please,” Loki said. Restrained. Polite. Steve sat.

“Loki,” he said. “I-” He swallowed, hard. “I thought…I’ve been trying to figure out how to get in touch with you. Peggy said – you’ve been visiting her? But I didn’t know how…” He trailed off. Loki said nothing. “You knew I was…you knew I was back, didn’t you?” He asked, hesitant.

“I knew,” Loki acknowledged. Steve resisted the urge to flinch.

“You…didn’t want to see me,” he said, slowly. Tried to square his shoulders. “Can I just ask-”

“No,” Loki said. Steve blinked.

“No, what?”

“No,” Loki said, and something trembled, briefly, in his voice. Steve saw his right hand open and close. “It is not…that.”

“Then…” Steve trailed off, confused. “I don’t understand.”

Loki’s shoulders moved, almost hunching. “I went down with you,” he said after a long silence. “And I survived. You were gone, and I crawled out of the water, alone. I tried to – but the water was too deep and I could not find you. I failed. As I failed to save Barnes for you. As I failed to stop you from throwing yourself into the sea.” Loki’s voice shook, again, and Steve recognized the dullness for what it was – an attempt to hold back a storm of emotion. “So I – I meant to return. To fight. But I blinked and the war was over and there was – nothing. _Nothing._ ” He took a ragged breath. “Seventy years should be nothing. A blink of an eye to something like me. But it has felt so long. I tried – I have tried to do what I thought you would, to tend to your people and protect your friends-”

Peggy. _He tried to fix me, at first._ He wondered if Loki had tried to fix Sheila Hannigan, too. Taking on a version of Steve’s name, living in his old neighborhood in a house that didn’t hardly look like Loki at all.

Steve swallowed hard past a new kind of lump in his throat. “Is this – supposed to be penance?”

Loki shuddered. His head bowed forward. “You were alive,” he said. “All this time. If I had tried harder – if I had been stronger, not given up so quickly-”

Steve’s heart ached. “I was as good as dead,” he said, trying to sound gentle. “That…it was more of an accident than anything, that they found me. An accident plus global warming. So you couldn’t have, probably…” He trailed off. Loki turned, and there was something raw in the way he looked at Steve. Painful. Steve hesitated. “Did you think I wouldn’t want to see you?”

Loki’s jaw worked. “Sixty-nine years is a long time in mortal terms.”

“For me it felt like nothing,” Steve said. “Like it was just a couple weeks ago.”

Loki took a ragged breath in and let it out. Steve took a careful step toward him. “It is not just that,” he said, looking away. “I did not…want to know that you did not mean it.”

Steve blinked. “Mean what?”

“That after,” Loki said. “After the war was over…”

Steve remembered. He remembered the warmth of Loki’s mouth and the way his mouth had gone dry watching muscle move in his naked back. Remembered the way Loki’s body had felt under his hands and the promise in the brush of Loki’s tongue. Remembered the way Loki looked at him and said _I can wait,_ and the way he’d kissed him at the end: _be brave, dear one._ “Yeah,” he said, voice a little faint.

“I do not want to hold you to promises you do not wish to keep,” Loki said, still not looking at him. “Not even promises, in truth-”

 _But you’re still here,_ Steve thought. _You could’ve left, or gone somewhere completely different, and you stayed here. Even when you knew I was back, and had to know I would find my way home eventually. And there you’d be, waiting._

“And what about what you do want,” Steve said, focusing his gaze on Loki. Willing him to meet Steve’s eyes. Loki twitched. Steve took a step forward. “Can I ask that?”

Loki turned, slowly, and looked Steve in the face. His expression was naked, vulnerable. “I said I would wait,” he said, after a long moment. “Did I not?”

Steve let out a shuddering exhale. He wasn’t sure how he crossed the distance, exactly. His hip banged into one of the chairs and he pushed it out of the way, or maybe Loki did. Loki’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers digging into muscle, and Steve pulled him close with his arms around his waist, and there wasn’t much room in the narrow kitchen but there was enough. Enough for Steve to lift his chin and Loki to lower his and their mouths to meet, something fumbling and awkward about it for all it wasn’t the first time. Enough for the noise Loki made when Steve accidentally bit his lip; enough for the way his mouth tasted when Steve dared to push his tongue into Loki’s mouth. Enough for Loki’s hands in Steve’s hair and Steve’s fingers on Loki’s skin.

It was enough. God, better than that. It was good.

Steve broke away, feeling almost dizzy.

“You can stop waiting now,” he said, a little breathless.

The way Loki smiled was like seeing crocuses peeking above still partly frozen ground. Fragile but still bright.


End file.
